Posted by bent on February 28, 2005, at 13:39:43
I have recently been a little more depressed. Totally functioning, but a bit more depressed. There are some major problems right now, mainly in my relationship with my fiance. Because I am not addressing the problems as I should be I know I am prolonging the pain, but I am working on it. Anyway, I have been feeling more and more worthless. I would not say I am suicidal. I have been a few times years ago and I know what it feels like to be seriously suicidal. But I do think nothing is worthwhile. I think why bother doing grad school work? It wont amount to anything. Why do well at work? It doesnt matter. I have been thinking that I dont have much to live for, but I dont exactly want to die. I think maybe I am not happy, even tho sometimes I think I am. Some days I am totally the opposite and think I have so much to live for. I sleep a lot. I have thought about just getting away, be it by car or something worse, but I have no thoughts/desires of acting on it. I just brush the thoughts away. But they are a little disturbing. I worry that in time these thoughts will develop into something more serious and a desire or urge to do something might evolve. I havent told my T this. And if I ever seriously felt in trouble I would call my T or go to the hospital (i made that deal with myself a long time ago when I was fighting this). I think I am worried that my T will overeact. I cant stand too much drama and I dont think its warranted. Just because I have thought about this stuff recently doesnt mean I am going to do any of it. Is this distorted or does it seem valid? How do T's react about these thoughts even if you are sure you are not going to act on them? What do they do if you are truley suicidal and call them/tell them? When I was a teenager they just told my parents. I dont know how it works as an adult. Any thoughts would be appreciated.
poster:bent
thread:464457
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050225/msgs/464457.html