Posted by JLynn on February 24, 2005, at 20:46:11
Hi all! I'm still fairly new and made a few posts so you probably don't know me, but I have read many many posts here and feel like I am getting to know everyone.
Today I had one of the best sessions ever with my T. After reading this board for a couple of weeks and finding out how therapy goes for everyone else I have learned a lot. I have discovered ways to bring up stuff that I NEED to talk about but don't WANT to. I really like my T, but she hasn't been too good at digging into my past. I should mention it is hard for me to talk as it is for many of you - I tend to put up a wall I think this is mainly to protect myself. I have secrets that I would like to share with her that no one knows and I have been living with them so long. So today I finally hinted around at some things and she started asking questions. I should also mention I brought this up at the end of the session - as I usually do when I have things I NEED to talk about....I guess so I can run and not face it. It's funny how we need and want therapy to get help, but many of us slow down the process by not talking to our Ts. We did get a good start on this even though I didn't actually tell her what it was yet. For the next session she made a deal with me - if I try to bring up the "big stuff" when we first meet instead of when times up and I asked her to be more pushy to try to get me to talk about things. Sounds silly, but I need someone to dig into this because it is hard for me to talk about,
Part of me doesn't want to tell her. I have always wished a had a good friend I could trust to tell, but I don't have that. And as my T said my support system sux! So my problem is that if I tell her this I will feel closer to her and will make it harder for me since I know therapy will have to end someday. Also, I only see her every two or three weeks. I recently had a bad "episode" with my depression and anxiety and had to see her unscheduled. I felt bad about it, but was really freaked out. The thing is I think I should see her at least 1 day a week, preferably twice, but she hasn't mentioned me coming in more. She works at a non-profit agency and I wonder if maybe they don't usually see clients that often or maybe she doesn't think I need it or if maybe I am the one who is supposed to bring it up - if this is the case I don't know how to approach it and I wonder if she would tell me if she thought it was a bit too much or would she just think I'm a needy freak???
Yeah I guess I am a bit paranoid - I overanalyze everything.Would love to hear what you all think. Everyone here makes such great suggestions. Thanks for all your help!
poster:JLynn
thread:462946
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050218/msgs/462946.html