Posted by B2chica on February 17, 2005, at 10:00:31
well, last night my hubby came with me to my T appt.(overall, went very well btw)
-but when i got there my pdoc who's normally not there on wed. was there and she (the T) brought him in with us very unexpectedly. he mentioned (luckily delicately) that my T was concerned that my depression was getting worse and he was concerned he asked if there was anything i needed to bring up. (see i told my T about my 'death date' and she must have told pdoc-which i am Absolutely Fine with cuz i want HIM to know everything...but my hubby doesn't know) so i'm glad they didn't specify. anyway it didn't seem like i've been 'depressed' only that i've kind of been obsessing alittle about that date.
-i think if i didn't like my pdoc so dang much i would have felt a little ganged up on with the T, pdoc and hubby, but i always feel that my pdoc is on my side so i guess i felt it evened out with him there.
-so i guess it was Great cuz i got to see my pdoc who is wonderful (he knows how to talk to my hubby too...) and he just was stating that it's a trust thing that they rely on my telling them if i think my depression is getting worse. If i get to that place again i hope that i wouldn't hesitate to call him. i trust him and i very much trust him. but he of course asked if there was any other symptoms i needed to tell him about....ha, i tried to look at him like "H@ll Yes! but not in front of my hubby", i'm hoping he picked up on that. if not i see him tomorrow and have decided to tell him about all the weird stuff i told you all. though he is reducing my ritalin cuz he thinks that may be contributing to the scattered/confusion and stuff. One thing is that i did have one of my little 'episodes' in T's office right before we left, i felt it coming on -racing heart, shakes...etc, but i couldn't get the words out cuz she was talking and then words were nowhere all gone then slowly fuzzy, then when i heard her she was muffled and garbled like not english. so i started doing my thing even though i didn't want to but i didn't say the words outloud (but i think i was mouthing them). i remember my hubby saying i don't think she heard a word you said...well, i didn't but i heard him so i tried to move my head towards him. my head was just full of so many things i tried my best to focus on numbers then i went to my little 'language' and that seemed to help. i felt like a complete idiot. i know that i want to say stuff but as soon as it comes...it goes and i literally can't verbalize anything cuz it's too much, i kept Staring at a notebook on her desk hoping she would pick up that i wanted to try to write it out-but i couldn't move or talk.... but how could she read my mind right? maybe next time i'll have a little notebook handy just incase. on the one hand i'm kinda glad it happened cuz i'm hoping she'd tell my pdoc, but i felt so humiliated, so embarrased and frustrated. Typically if it happens around people I can usually 'leave the scene' if people are around and take some time, but i couldn't this time...i guess it was good and bad that it happened.so after this lengthy update, my question is this: Ideally what i'd like to see happen is i transition over to this guy T that i'll see in March, and my hubby would continue to see this 'she' T. he liked her and seemed to open pretty well to her (as i guessed he would). but i don't want my T to get offended that i want to leave her for this other guy -but i've sort of been planning this all along-should i mention this to pdoc?. How do you approach to your T that you are seeing someone else-mybe just upfront and say all along i've planned on seeing this guy when he gets back...is that ok?...on the other hand after last night i sort of want to wait to say anything to her to be Really honest, i like that 'she' is in the same office with my pdoc- cuz she can talk with him about me concerns and such and i want him to be kept totally in the loop. But the problem is i can't really open up to her so i guess it defeats the purpose huh...
-do your therapists have a relationship with your pdoc's? do they call or talk with them if they're worried about you?
b2c.
poster:B2chica
thread:459245
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050211/msgs/459245.html