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Re: Colluding » sunny10

Posted by fallsfall on February 11, 2005, at 17:15:07

In reply to Re: Colluding, posted by sunny10 on February 11, 2005, at 12:25:11

I'm not really judging it as "negative". (I guess that is what I mean when I say that I shouldn't be proud of it, but I am - I have a lot of ambivalence about how this feels). Mostly I think I am just seeing it as the way things are. And it seems almost humerous to me that my unconscious could manipulate his - and neither of us knew it!

We are working on having me be more competent - that is our major goal right now. I could tell that it was (unconscious) "acting in" because as soon as I figured out what was going on, I felt fine. As soon as I realized that I didn't *need* to be depressed any more that day (I had left his office, done my "job"), I started feeling much better.

And I won't lose my therapist. I would beg my parents for money to pay for therapy (and they would give it to me without any problem), and I would continue to see him. I don't *WANT* to do that - and it would have an effect on my self-esteem. But I'm not going to "lose" therapy (thank goodness!).

 

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