Posted by alexandra_k on February 4, 2005, at 7:00:03
Residential treatment was never going to happen. He knew that but was concerned about the consequences of my having no hope. It was first suggested to me when my last therapist terminated me saying she got burned out. Apparantly this was explained to me a month ago but sometimes my memory fails. So it was explained to me again. The funding committee does have an agenda. They prioritise it according to *need*. but I am comparatively highly functioning so he knew my case wouldn't get to actually come up on the agenda. In all liklihood not for a year or two. If at all. That is too late for me.
I was upset. Missed out on a lot of work for when varsity starts up in March because I was uncertain whether I would be here or not. Thought I had missed out on a hostel placement as well as I didn't get an application in before the deadline because I really didn't think i was going to be here. Got up the courage to ask about the hostel situation today. First on the wait list. There are still places available in another hall. An expensive catered hall that I can't really afford, but I am happier here on campus then I have been my whole life. if I have to leave the country with a debt to accomodation services then so be it. I will work something out. It won't come to that if I can help it.
I have an appointment to have a specialist assessment on the 23rd. A two hour assessment. I am really scaired about it. I hate assessments. I have had so many where they have said i was making up stories and they recomended no treatment and stuff like that. The public system won't acknowledge or treat a disorder they maintain does not exist. Not even when I write papers trying to explain it to them. It is not that hard to understand. It is not. But it must be. So I am a borderline who is already privaledged with respect for treatment because I got a year of DBT which is more than most get.
He tells me it will be different being a private assessment. I don't believe him anymore. He tells me there are people in this region to treat me if she recomends that happen. I dont believe him any more. He tells me they will fund it if she recomends that. I dont believe him. Why didn't all this happen years ago? I have been in the service for 8 years. And getting anything at all was a constant battle. I had to fight so hard to work with people who were fairly clearly unsuitable from day one. Then we wonder why we both just end up more messed up.
I understand why he wanted me to have hope but I still don't feel good about either the situation or him.
So residential treatment is not a real option. It never was. I have been trying to get my head around that for the past couple of days. Maybe I was working on it on some level over the past month. I dont know.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:452995
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050129/msgs/452995.html