Posted by TF on January 22, 2005, at 13:34:25
In reply to Re: Body Odor » TF, posted by rainbowbrite on January 21, 2005, at 10:27:55
Pfinstegg:
I have to apologize if I didn't make it clear earlier... although I'm pretty sure that I mentioned I've already weaned myself off of the the respirdahl. This was early in September.
I'm not entirely sure whether going off of the meds is what precipitated my breakdown, or if I simply never had the opportunity to put it to the test(I was unemployed and a shut in for most of the time that I was on the Respirdahl, so never really put it to the test.). I wasn't taking a very high dosage either (just 2 mg nightly), but it still made me groggy, apathetic, and sluggish. Not to mention the additional weight gain. I feel much more sanguine now that I'm off of it, and everyone has observed that I'm displaying alot more personality. Also, while on the respirdahl, the signals that I would get from people that I smell were still very much there, I just didn't have the mental resources to care or react.
All of this considered, I don't think respirdahl is the right medication for me. I don't feel that my preoccupation with odor is psychotic or completely irrational, whether it's real or not. It's all in my interpretation of body language and innuendo. So, if I don't smell, that's what I have to work on, and I don't think that respirdahl will help enough to justify the side-effects.
Alexandra K:
There's more that goes into my reasoning when I consider whether or not someone is telling me the truth. It's not a yes = truth/ no = lie thing. I don't feel like I have any stubbornly held preconceptions about my smell (I might if I noticed it myself), although I've received very strong indications that it exists. When someone is telling me something, I try to question their motives. If they have something to gain by my believing in them, if they're trying to be nasty (in cases where they imply that I do smell), if they're simply being polite, etc.... I'm not smart enough to reason out exactly what that person's reasons are, but I usually have a keen sense of whether or not someone is being malevolent.
Someone gave me a helpful hint earlier in this thread, suggesting that I ask a very young child whether or not I smell. I may just try that sometime. A young child is the sort of person that I'd consider to be unbiased and honest.
That the smell is an interpretation of their reaction to something else about me, my attitude for instance, is a suggestion I've heard a few times before. But the signals I'm getting seem a bit too odor specific for that to be the case... Example: When I came into the house, I walked down the hall as my brother-in-law was coming up it. When he noticed me, he stopped short, backed off a bit, and kind of stuck out a hand, making a face like he couldn't breathe. I don't know of a stimulus other than a really bad odor that would elicit that kind of response. What other reason could he have for taking a breath and suck in his cheeks, as though trying to conserve air? There are a few other explanations I could think of, off the top of my head. Maybe it was a coincidence, and he had gas. Or I could say that my brother-in-law was trying to get on my nerves by purposely registering signs of disgust (he's the sort of person that likes to push buttons.), but that would seem more paranoid and unreasonable to me than the belief that I smell. There are plenty of rationalizations I could use to challenge the belief that someone is reacting to my odor, but it seems like an unreasonable thing to do wholesale, when so many other signals concide with that belief. For me, it's not a case of taking one event/comment/signal and blowing it up to gigantic proportions... It's gathering all of these little details, considering them altogether, and eventually forming a correlation that makes sense to me.
Before going on the respirdahl, I went through rageaholic episodes on a routine basis, about every other week or month. Usually they were related to the perception that I was losing my intelligence, and paranoid assumptions associated with it (I thought my brother might be smoking cigarettes or pot in the house, and this might be causing my constant mental fogginess/confusion/numbness.). The respirdahl helped me to rein in those rages by making it so I didn't really care anymore. Eventually, I convinced myself (with the help of others) that nothing my brother was doing had anything to do with my burgeoning dumbness.
I kind of went into a hypochondriac kick then, trying to research diseases and other possible causes for loss of mental function. Eventually, I found out (through medical tests) that I had hypothyroidism, which is kind of remarkable, being a pretty rare disorder for a male of my age. Since then, I've decided to stop my research, and haev been trying to forget my perception of being vastly superior in intellect before to where I am now. My memory and processing speed probably aren't what they used to be, but I don't think I'm drastically worse off. I'm actually a bit more mature and well-adjusted after everything that's happened. More than likely, what I'm experiencing is probably a series of psychological blocks, where I'm being overly critical of everything I say, do, and think. To the point where I'm locked up.
Anyway, the respirdahl did help for awhile, so I can't condemn it completely. But I don't think I need it anymore. I told my new doctor that prozac worked well to sort of calm my reactions to signals, so he prescribed that, just to see how it works for me now. I've been on it for about a month, so there haven't been any noticeable changes yet.
Pretty paints:
Actually, I am a bit gassy, but never release it in public. I've heard of some conditions where the gas can be released in miniscule little air bubbles, so you wouldn't even notice it, but who knows? Right now I'm more concerned with confirming that there is an odor than finding out possible causes... Otherwise I could end up treating ten different conditions at once, which is not a situation that I have the resources to deal with. I'd like to see a good homeopath (Most medical doctors that I've seen are only aware of odor that is caused by poor hygiene or diabetes, niether of which I have. So I figure an alternative doctor is my next best bet.), but somehow I doubt that Medicaid covers them.
It's true that I'm a bit aloof and standoffish (I was diagnosed with avoidant perosnality disorder, which actually seems like a perfect fit for me, based on my research into the disorder.), and this kind of scares people off or turns them against me. However, I would expect redicule or coldness in response to my aloofness, more so than disgust or near-violent anger. Not that there wasn't any redicule involved... Just that the violence of some peoples' reactions really strike me.
I also have a tendancy to try and interpret what people are saying just within ear-shot, twisting syllables, words and sentences into a negative comment about me. For example: One time, when there were these people working on my basement, I overheard them talking to each other. One eventually said: "If you were retarded, would you just sit around feeling bad for yourself, or would you get out and work?" and immediately assumed that they were talking about me (I still do believe that they were, however.). In any case, it's somewhat ironic that they would be saying such a thing about anyone, considering the fact that, within the next two minutes, they accidentally busted our water pipe, flooding our basement. That's just the kind of senseless destruction and general ineptitude that I'm trying to avoid, by not imposing myself on society.
I think what I have could be mild BDD, in conjunction with an actual odor. I really have to say, though, that this odor must be insanely strong to have the effect that I perceive it as having... I've never witnessed a body-borne odor that could fill an entire floor and make people vomit. Usually it stays within a tighter radius of the source, unless it's the odor of a rotting corpse.
On a slightly off-topic note, I've heard somewhere that there's a correlation between getting strep throat as a child and developing OCD tendancies. I used to get strep throat every other year until middle school (and once more in high-school.). Just an interesting little tidbit I thought I'd share.
Rainbowbrite:
If I went to a doctor, It'd probably be better to see a specialist who knows more about IBS type conditions, and diseases or symptoms (such as odor) that are associated with bowel disfunction. I don't have much faith in GP's after having approached this topic with my own doctor. Thanks for the suggestion.
poster:TF
thread:442588
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050122/msgs/445709.html