Posted by mair on January 16, 2005, at 14:56:16
I've discovered that ever since mid-Dec., I don't seem to have any urge to leave my house, although I dutifully show up for work every day as if I was actually a normally functioning professional. Ever since I managed to finally win a compensation battle I've been fighting for years, I can't focus on any one thing long enough to get anything done at work. I come in every morning and I can't figure out where to begin. I'll pick up a piece of paper, maybe do one thing with it, check my email, check Babble, play a quick game of spider solitaire, check my calendar, read some internet news, do some kid-related thing like call and make a dr's appointment, and then go back to the same piece of paper, for maybe another 15 minutes or so before it all starts again. My compensation is totally based on my production and I can't produce. I went home early on Thursday because I didn't feel well, and didn't bother to come in on Friday, ostensibly because I still wasn't feeling all that great, but I really think I would have been fine to work, if I had the slightest motivation or ability to work. I have mega bills, not the least of which is my son's massive college tuition and it's really important that I make more money than I have which is one reason why it was so important for me to have struck a new compensation deal. But it's as if that took so much out of me that I now have nothing left to actually devote to my job.
And I'm pretty sure I'm not going to have any clients left by the time I pull myself out of my malaise, if I can pull myself out. I'm starting to panic and feel less than worthless.
poster:mair
thread:442815
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050111/msgs/442815.html