Posted by Dinah on January 16, 2005, at 4:38:55
In reply to Re: Weird Away Dinah, posted by mair on January 14, 2005, at 6:38:09
I guess it all seems unbelievable. I don't know what to think of it sometimes. As Judy said, perhaps it's was two prolonged hypomanic episodes. I always said I was taken over by space aliens. And I always called it "Happy Dinah", even back when it first happened.
I've been hypomanic, and I do it differently. Just as a single example, I do get hypersexual when I'm hypomanic, but my sexuality is my normal sexuality. Those two years were the only years my sexuality was geared externally as opposed to my normal solosexuality. Although even those two years, I had "phobias" about kissing that were totally foreign to me then, and had nothing to do with my desires at that point. So I don't know.
It was just an entirely different way of looking at the world, at people, at ideas. Far more extreme and alien to me than the difference between rational me and emotional me. Although to tell the truth, with rational me hurling cabinet drawers and cursing and quitting, perhaps I ought to rename that.
The truth is that I don't want to be Happy Dinah. I wouldn't want to do the things Happy Dinah did, or be the way Happy Dinah was. It's contrary to my introverted nature. If my therapist is waiting for me to do those things, he'll have a very long wait. Even if I *could* I wouldn't want to. But I can enjoy it vicariously.
I don't know. It may just be a matter of semantics. To make others feel more comfortable, I sometimes refer to emotional me as a deeper level of consciousness without the "shoulds" and the filters. The raw me. I suppose it's possible to concieve of the whole thing that way. In which case Happy Dinah may be some sort of hypomanic phenomenon brought on by a limited range of conditions, rather than a split of my life force and creativity as I currently think of it. My therapist only met her once.
I guess to make others feel more comfortable, I should refer to it as two prolonged hypomanic episodes. Although in my own mind, and in therapy, it's more useful to refer to it as a separate ego state. It solved a lot of problems when I did that with emotional me and rational me.
But it really isn't accepted, really does make others feel uncomfortable. So I think it's probably something I should keep between my therapist and I.
poster:Dinah
thread:441318
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050111/msgs/442681.html