Posted by crushedout on January 14, 2005, at 12:04:08
So, I still haven't sent the letter to my former T that I wrote a few days ago. And now, reading voce's thread above, I'm wondering if it's prudent to contact her at all. I think it may not be.
I had therapy with T2 yesterday and it was a good session. I told her about the letter but then when she asked me my feelings about showing it to her, I managed to digress so deftly that she didn't even notice. I started telling her stories about all the inappropriate things my old T did. I can tell that this T tries hard to approximate the blank slate kind of ideal, but whenever I tell her stuff that T1 did, she can't hide her shock. So I started enjoying shocking her and just gave her one story after another.
I guess it was helpful for me, too, since it makes me remember why I left, and how f'ed up it was with her. She pointed out how my old T's fuzzy boundaries created powerful feelings in me but made it very difficult for me to create connections with people in the "outer world" and also her personal involvement with me (e.g., crying all the time in my sessions) compromised her ability to be an objective T (she might have worded this more strongly).
But we never got back to talking about the letter. I wonder why I was avoiding it (I didn't even become aware of my digressionary tactics till long after the session was over.) I think I'm going to hold onto it until at least Monday when I see T2 again. I may print out 10derheart's amazing post to voce and share that with her because it raised a lot of concerns that weren't on my radar screen before. Or, if they were, they were only a vague, distant worries.
poster:crushedout
thread:442119
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050111/msgs/442119.html