Posted by messadivoce on January 8, 2005, at 1:25:37
In reply to Hey, Voce..., posted by 10derheart on January 7, 2005, at 19:38:56
Thanks 10derheart, for asking. I've haven't posted about this in awhile because it takes a lot of energy out of me. But your question comes at a good time. I dropped that letter in the mail on January 3rd. Since I asked him to sit on it for awhile before replying, it's possible it may be awhile before I hear anything back. And then I don't know how long he's on holiday break from the university.
Of course within minutes after mailing it I was assalted with thoughts that I shouldn't have sent it, it was dumb and I should have just left well enough alone. Of course I know that's not the case. I thought about it for oh so long....
I typed it out when I was writing it so I could easily re-work the parts I wanted to, but in the end I ended up copying it over in my own handwriting (3 pages long) and sending it that way (snail mail - seems a step backwards I know). We had e-mailed previously, but it was my thought that seeing my handwriting with the ink all smeared at the bottom would affect him in a way that e-mail wouldn't.
So here I wait and wonder. I still have my bad days of course (it's about half and half). I still miss him, there's still a big hole where he was and no one will ever replace him, but the days that I want to stay in bed all day or when I feel dizzy and sick from missing him are slowly becoming fewer.
I like to share my writing with people although I don't do it very often, but if you (my fellow babblers) would like to read the entire letter, I would probably feel comfortable posting it.
poster:messadivoce
thread:439135
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050105/msgs/439280.html