Posted by jonh kimble on December 28, 2004, at 2:57:33
Hi Ive had social anxiety or something like it for 5 maybe 6 years (more like whole life). I was into meds, had this theory, that theory, nothing has worked but high dose benzos (and only a bit) and booze (same deal.) But one thing that has worked, Ive recongnized it for years but its so hard to achieve that I dont even consider it, until now... That is if i can forget how i am performing and how others perceive me (its happened a handful of times my whole life) My social anxiety revolves completly around conversational awkwardness and I always find myself agreeing so much with people. I recognize I shouldnt but I have no idea how to be sincere and stop this cycle in a conversation while not feeling like a jerk and exposing myself to something too hard to deal with.
The moment I say what I mean I think "was that offensive? Maybe. But what about that tone in their voice? And how relaxed do I look? Im fine. But what if this stops? That could happen any moment! Like now! There it is! What are they talking about? I have no idea what to say! they can tell how awkward I am. Now they feel the same way! Just leave without giving yourself away any more." This happens every time. The closer I get to someone, the greater this mental dialogue takes place. I will not allow myself to get close to anyone, including my immediate family! I be sincere i freak out and feel like a jerk. I do the usual I run out of pleasant interesting things to say in about 5 seconds, and the above thought process clearly makes conversing impossible. Its so hard too practice to because the result is almost always immensly painful.
How do I stop being so afraid of hurting others and hurting myself? Is it desensitization? But how? This is the story of my life, I cant have any real relationships and feel like this authenticness in conversations is crucial but impossible to solving this. One small prob. like this can devastate your life, its nuts, just as it has for several members in my family. Anyway please relate if you can! Thank you. Thanks a million. Tom
poster:jonh kimble
thread:434899
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041218/msgs/434899.html