Posted by daisym on December 7, 2004, at 21:48:47
In reply to Mother's Touch Mother's Love, posted by littleone on December 7, 2004, at 20:27:13
Mother stuff is really hard. My mom isn't touchy either, but she does hug me, usually when I'm leaving. I have a very clear memory of her sitting behind me when I was 8 or 9, brushing the snarls out of my long hair. It was so very painful and she would say, "No tears! It's your own fault, if only...." and then I'd hear how I was too much a tom boy, etc. I wanted short hair so badly. Sometimes I still flinch if she touches my head.
With my own kids, I held them all the time when they were babies. So did my husband. I loved 2am feedings because it was just me and the baby. Now that they are big, they tend to rush up and hug. I try not to flinch if it is a surprise. (another learned response.) They hug their dad too, and he, them. My oldest doesn't like his back rubbed (OK, maybe by his girlfriend) but the younger two do. My youngest needs touch to calm down when he is anxious. He actually has learned finger tapping for himself.
The need for touch to humans is very primal. We've done lots of studies on premature babies and how they thrive on touch therapy. I've experienced very young age states that long to be held by my therapist - just held and soothed. I've told him about this and we've talked about emotional holding. The adult would probably run screaming from the room if he came near me.
poster:daisym
thread:425905
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041203/msgs/425927.html