Posted by auralee on November 22, 2004, at 18:32:37
In reply to Re: ED as SI ***possible trigger***, posted by B2Chica on November 14, 2004, at 17:44:58
hi guys. I agree with what one of you said about the ED and OCD. Also, I feel (and this may only be my feelings of course) that I need some sort of control in my life. i like to feel the power of being able to eat nothing and then the horrible feeling of a binge is like almost sabataging myself for even starting to feel ok. I feel as though it's not ok to feel good. I think it takes an enormous amount of strength to try and some days i absolutely hate myself so much that i cannot comprehend it - for not being able to conform or do as i would like. I have begun to realise only recently that my ED is most likely linked to other problems I have - my epilepsy (which i was not on any medication for and thought i was going nuts) and my OCD. I had been to numerous doctors - many had no idea what on earth was wrong with me, it ranged from the onset of schitzophrenia, to BPD (which is still an option) to Bipolar and so on. I could not think, I was flying into wild rages, and constantly fuzzy all the time. I knew something was wrong with me but had no idea what and when the impending doom would descend on me, I would know there is no way out of it. I have always been aware of my epilepsy, i have always been aware of my OCD, i have always been rather eccentric i guess but i do feel as though there is still something not quite right with me and i do not know what it is. No one seems to be able to know what is wrong and i can't blame them. In the meantime, i have gone from tegretol to topomax and while in between them (it was 21st birthday on the 17th nov) i took nothing (i had tapered off the tegretol). i was absolutely nuts. i could not think and flew into wild rages and rantings alike to dosteovesky. I was incoherently rambling and i even was aware of it myself. I was plummeted into such a deep abyss when someone would say even the slightest thing to me in which i could interpret the wrong way (and i would)! needless to say, i started the medication that night and have been ok since. no more craziness, just a little fuzzy and still feel my usual racing brain syndrome. does anyone feel like this????
poster:auralee
thread:416375
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041113/msgs/419083.html