Posted by mattw84 on November 18, 2004, at 23:29:28
Hey all!
Sometime I feel like the whole therapy thing is really just an enormous emotional burden that has only helped me learn to look at the bad parts of my life that I had ever-so effectively learned to ignore! I am currently seeing my Pdoc on a weekly basis, and I spend most of my time now in between sessions recovering from the last. For example, the recent theme has been my social phobic (avoidant even...) behavior pattern I have established.
I'll say that 'so-and-so' called me and I didn't answer the phone, haven't talked with 'so-and-so' in a long time. I have 'so-and-so' new phone number so I should call and say I -- but I don't feel like the same person they called to talk to. Time and time again the pdoc asks me "what" is stopping me from calling. Each time I go into the whole I am 20 years old and still stuck with the parents, not doing anything with my life... etc She tells me not to keep beating myself up and what not, and gives me goals; like to call 'so-and-so' before my next visit (Next Tues). At this very moment I would love to call 'so-and-so' but instead I am on here! Why!?!?!? What am I missing? What am I so damned afraid of? Worst case my fears come true -- I am not who they thought I was anymore; rejection is no biggie.
It just feels like I am going around in this circle and getting all emotionally bent up after each session. I finally recover and can be at the least friendly and "normal" at work and deal with customers and then I have another session and haven't called 'so-and-so', have no good excuses, and go through the same series of questions with the same answers.
Any suggestions are much appreciated, hell, if you read the whole thing thanks for that! Probably making too much out of insignificant things here, but I appreciate your feedback! Thanks PB'ers!
Matt
poster:mattw84
thread:417736
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041113/msgs/417736.html