Posted by Dinah on November 14, 2004, at 23:12:48
In reply to Is Dinah around? is she ok, posted by terrics on November 14, 2004, at 17:48:07
I haven't been reading or posting much. I've been sort of curling up into myself. I understand that it's not wise to cut myself off from my support systems, since I really do believe it's attachment to others that connects me to this world.
My therapist says it's probably a primitive defense mechanism from way back when for when it's not safe. And that knowing it's unwise is only part of stopping it. I can't seem to get to the other part. I'm pulling away from him too. I actually spent an entire session trying to figure out who he was to me and why I go to therapy. So it's not just Babble. My husband is fussing too.
But I'm not too miserable here in my turtle shell unless I've had a recent interaction with my parents. I'm playing with my puppies. And I've dug up my old Barbie dolls (the ones I kept in the closet - the ones in the attic are probably toast) and I'm busy cleaning them up and finding missing pieces to their outfits and fixing their hair.
My "enthusiasms" are ridiculously easy to analyze aren't they? Last time it was sorting through my stuff and reorganizing it - trying to create an illusion of control when it felt like my life was spinning out of control. I'm still doing a bit of this. This time it's playing with dolls. Not a purely happy time in my life, I suppose. But a time when my parents were healthy and I was the child and they were the adults instead of vice versa.
I really need to get more complicated, don't you think?
It'll pass I'm sure. Right now I'm adjusting to new realities, and I suppose that's why I've become a reclusive little girl when I'm not being an overburdened adult.
Thanks for asking about me. :) I'll keep trying to rejoin the world.
poster:Dinah
thread:415938
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041113/msgs/416078.html