Posted by crushedout on November 5, 2004, at 13:45:13
In reply to Re: How was your appointment? » crushedout, posted by annierose on November 3, 2004, at 22:10:59
OK, so I made plans for the week of Thanksgiving and got a job that conflicted with one of my scheduled therapy appointments in the latter half of the month, so as a courtesy, I emailed my T to cancel two more appointments. Here's what I wrote:
"Hi [Ellen],
I need to cancel a couple more dates with you: [date 1] and [date 2]. So at this point, in November, we are only scheduled to see each other on [date 3] and [date 4]. I hope it's okay with you to leave it that way for now. Assuming it is, you don't need to contact me. I'd actually prefer that you didn't.
Thanks,
[crushedout]
p.s. I mailed the check yesterday."
This morning as I was laying in bed, I was thinking how good it was that I had asked her not to contact me, because I don't wake up in the morning waiting for or expecting or hoping for an email from her, and that gives me some much needed emotional distance. And then I got up and checked my email, only to see her name in my inbox. Irony.Here's what she wrote:
"Hi [crushedout],
I respect your request for a break and I appreciate that you prefer I don't contact you. Still, as you go through this process, it seems important to let you know that my thoughts are with you. From the clarity of your messages, I am reassured that you are ok. I wish you well and look forward to our session on [date 3].
all the best, [Ellen]"
Is that messed up or what?????? It feels very manipulative to me. Not to mention disrespectful of my requests, which were very clear.It makes me think of what the consulting T I'm seeing said: that if she lets me go without a fight, I'm going to feel discarded and abandoned, but if she tries to get me to stay, I'll feel manipulated but also loved and cherished. Of course I was happy to get this email on one level. But I'm very distrustful of her motives and I *do* feel manipulated.
I mean, why does she need to let me know I'm in her thoughts? I think she just doesn't want me to vilify her and she's trying to insert herself as a kind soul, when I'm trying to detach and she should let me do that in whatever way I can.
I guess maybe she had good motives (she's concerned about me? -- but she said she was reassured that I was fine!) but I doubt they were the majority of what inspired this email.
poster:crushedout
thread:409442
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041104/msgs/412214.html