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She emailed me

Posted by crushedout on November 5, 2004, at 13:45:13

In reply to Re: How was your appointment? » crushedout, posted by annierose on November 3, 2004, at 22:10:59

OK, so I made plans for the week of Thanksgiving and got a job that conflicted with one of my scheduled therapy appointments in the latter half of the month, so as a courtesy, I emailed my T to cancel two more appointments. Here's what I wrote:

"Hi [Ellen],

I need to cancel a couple more dates with you: [date 1] and [date 2]. So at this point, in November, we are only scheduled to see each other on [date 3] and [date 4]. I hope it's okay with you to leave it that way for now. Assuming it is, you don't need to contact me. I'd actually prefer that you didn't.

Thanks,
[crushedout]

p.s. I mailed the check yesterday."


This morning as I was laying in bed, I was thinking how good it was that I had asked her not to contact me, because I don't wake up in the morning waiting for or expecting or hoping for an email from her, and that gives me some much needed emotional distance. And then I got up and checked my email, only to see her name in my inbox. Irony.

Here's what she wrote:

"Hi [crushedout],

I respect your request for a break and I appreciate that you prefer I don't contact you. Still, as you go through this process, it seems important to let you know that my thoughts are with you. From the clarity of your messages, I am reassured that you are ok. I wish you well and look forward to our session on [date 3].

all the best, [Ellen]"


Is that messed up or what?????? It feels very manipulative to me. Not to mention disrespectful of my requests, which were very clear.

It makes me think of what the consulting T I'm seeing said: that if she lets me go without a fight, I'm going to feel discarded and abandoned, but if she tries to get me to stay, I'll feel manipulated but also loved and cherished. Of course I was happy to get this email on one level. But I'm very distrustful of her motives and I *do* feel manipulated.

I mean, why does she need to let me know I'm in her thoughts? I think she just doesn't want me to vilify her and she's trying to insert herself as a kind soul, when I'm trying to detach and she should let me do that in whatever way I can.

I guess maybe she had good motives (she's concerned about me? -- but she said she was reassured that I was fine!) but I doubt they were the majority of what inspired this email.


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poster:crushedout thread:409442
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041104/msgs/412214.html