Posted by Dinah on November 4, 2004, at 19:35:54
In reply to Meaningless Musing on my Therapist, posted by Miss Honeychurch on November 4, 2004, at 15:48:47
Miss Honeychurch, I hate to say that I understand your reluctance. It's a shame that love is something that wouldn't always be received as the gift it is. Those of us who have therapists who accept it gravely as a gift, but without misinterpreting it as a demand, are fortunate indeed.
But not all therapy clients are that fortunate. Some therapists *don't* feel comfortable with loving feelings from clients. Rotten shame, that.
If you're aware that he doesn't do transference, I can understand your reluctance to disclose feelings that I also wouldn't write off as transference. He has grown to mean something to you in the therapeutic relationship, and it's ok and natural to feel that. It's even a testament to his work.
Can you feel him out? Most therapists aren't idiots. My therapist always considers that when I bring him a dilemma from the board, that it is a prelude to my confessing the same thing. It quite frequently isn't. Far more frequently than it is. But he gets very careful and cautiously conveys the message he wishes to convey. Is it possible for you to talk about the loving feelings that many people seem to develop towards therapists that have helped them immensely, especially as therapy begins the process of conclusion? If he's half the therapist you've described, he should either subtly encourage you to express what you feel or sensitively warn you not to express any feelings you might have.
I only say this because I *have* seen stories of therapists who don't take it well, and I'd hate to see you hurt. I think it's a darn shame, but there it is.
And I used a similar approach with my own therapist. It was a very long long process for me to be able to tell him that I wasn't in love with him, but I did love him.
poster:Dinah
thread:411786
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041104/msgs/411877.html