Posted by daisym on October 31, 2004, at 16:12:01
In reply to Discouraged, feeling selfish, posted by Aphrodite on October 30, 2004, at 12:58:07
I just reread your first post and then your next post to me. I'd say you already know that the best thing for you would be to tell the tales, to get off the fence and move foreward into this next step. I think you are holding yourelf back, not because of work, home and the like, but because you feel self-centered about doing it. After all, it's over and done with, isn't it? Your grown up self wants to "get over it." I'll say it again, it isn't wallowing and it isn't weakness. It takes a lot of courage to open yourself up to someone like this, and allow them to see what I call "the bad parts" for lack of a better term. I've come to think of it as a really horrible wound, one that most people can't look at because it is just too gross, bleeding too badly. So we keep it covered with those psychic band-aids. Ripping away the covering and the scab and cleaning out the wound is painful, brutally painful, but it won't really heal until this is done. Would you leave a splinter in your son's foot?
I also think you might be scared about who's gonna talk...frightens the hell out of me at times...and how to shut her up again. All I can tell you is that it is her story so if given room, she will probably tell it. And feel better for telling it. The adult you might feel bad for awhile, but you have the coping skills now to get through this. Borrow your therapist's strength, acknowledge that you might be unstable for awhile, reread the chapter in "Courage to Heal" about the crisis phase, and the page that says, "don't kill yourself over old memories." Post often, go to babble open if you need to, email me, increase your sessions and take some time off. A glass of wine help too.
I know you talked about starting medications. I don't know if you ever did it. If you just started, you might need to monitor closely your feelings as you unleash these memories. Meds are supposed to help, but sometimes they can intensify your reaction to stressors.
I feel sort of bossy and harsh in this post. I don't mean to be. I guess I'm just trying to point out that you are already off the fence, you just haven't noticed yet. I'm offering full support. Heaven knows I've had my share from Babble folks.
And, I found the extra big towel today -- so I'm ready!!
hugs
Daisy
poster:daisym
thread:409215
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041026/msgs/409673.html