Posted by crushedout on October 26, 2004, at 20:30:20
I've been pretty badly depressed for about the past week. I guess I was depressed before that also but I had a couple days where I felt kind of ok. I don't know. It's hard to figure out when I'm in the middle of it when it started and it's hard to imagine it will ever end.For me, the worst thing about being depressed is feeling like I can't get out of bed. Like there's nothing worth getting up for. I've been sleeping as late as 2 p.m. some days and I know that only makes things worse but I can't help it.
I had therapy today and I was feeling pretty awful. So bad I even started crying when I didn't think I could cry. But I also couldn't explain to her what was wrong -- I would just start crying and I would feel paralyzed. She seemed really annoyed with me, which of course made me feel worse. And she told me she was frustrated and all I wanted was for her to become hopeless with me but she wasn't going to do that because she didn't want to feel hopeless. She said she didn't like feeling depressed anymore than I did.
I wanted to say, "Well, at least you could empathize. You don't have to agree that it's hopeless but you could feel this hopelessness with me and then I wouldn't feel so alone and then we could find our way out together." But I didn't say that. I just sat there in disbelief and got more hopeless.
I don't know if she's doing a good job. She just gets annoyed at me because I make her feel like a failure. I should be better already and she must be tired of me. (I even hinted at the topic of suicide and she doesn't take that seriously. I don't think she cares at all. It's pretty awful.)_
I'm sorry to be such a downer, thsi is just where I am, and it sucks.
poster:crushedout
thread:407671
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041026/msgs/407671.html