Posted by Dinah on October 20, 2004, at 2:48:01
In reply to How much better do you have to be??? » Dinah, posted by 64bowtie on October 19, 2004, at 14:25:55
Well, I'm satisfied with being good enough.
Being good enough means, in this case:
Continuing to meet my obligations as mother to my son. Being interested in his life, listening to him read, appearing to be solid so that he doesn't have to worry about me or about whatever I'm worrying about.
Being available to my husband as he talks about his fears, appearing solid enough that he feels free to "burden" me with them. Picking up the slack on the things he normally does so he can visit with his mother.
Doing what needs to be done for my parents. The minimum of what needs to be done. But what legitimately needs to be done and can't be done by anyone else, since I'm effectively an only child and their main if not only source of help at the moment. That includes some things I have competence with, and some things that I have absolutely no competence with and that frighten and overwhelm me. But they have to be done and I have to do them, even if I think I can't.
Continuing to meet my work obligations, and minimal housework/dog care obligations. And do it sufficiently well despite the fact that other things are taking up time I ordinarily have and despite the fact that the stress of doing those other things are effectively crippling me physically with migraines and emotionally with forgetting sleeps and ruminations. Or else be able to stop the physical and emotional fallout so that I can work effectively.
That's the minimum of how good I have to be. And that is better than what I am now. So yes, I consider myself a failure in light of what needs to be done and what I'm doing.
I ordinarily am relatively good at accepting myself. But trying times call for more than ordinary, and I can't seem to bring forth from myself what is necessary.
poster:Dinah
thread:404365
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041016/msgs/405024.html