Posted by 64bowtie on October 13, 2004, at 14:48:05
In reply to Teens and Abandonment (long), posted by fallsfall on October 13, 2004, at 12:01:22
ff,
>
> He said "It sounds like you feel that she is rejecting and abandoning you. And she *is*. That is her job as a teenager." I think he is right. The pain comes from my abandonment issues - that is why it is so excruciating. But it *IS* her job to "reject" and abandon me - that is what growing up is all about. And I know that I've done my job well if she *can* move on into a life of her own. She is my 3rd child - I have one in college and one in the Army. I let them go with not too much trouble. But she's my last, and her siblings were living with their dad for their late teen years. And she's definately the most "challenging" of the three.
>
> I have to figure out how to separate my abandonment issues from my daughter, and accept her declaration of independence as a step forward for her rather than a rejection of me.
><<< Slating her emancipation (social, not legal) from you is not an act of rejection. If, however, you feel she is still acting, feeling, and intending to be irresponsible, perhaps her "growing-up" is a stubborn act of defiance not an attempt at emancipation. This inappropriate defiance can leave you inappropriately abandoned by her, because she is not in touch with what she is about yet. Bear in mind the basics, that if this is a power struggle, and if power is the ability to make a difference, then I doubt her defiance will make a better life for anyone concerned.
Rod
poster:64bowtie
thread:402659
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041002/msgs/402716.html