Posted by Daisym on October 8, 2004, at 21:25:30
In reply to Re: Suic. Feelings /attached to age states? (trigg » daisym, posted by Aphrodite on October 8, 2004, at 14:14:19
I think probably the hardest part is that I don't know what he can DO to help me. These are my thoughts and I have to fight against them. I want to be careful to not look like I'm crying wolf and/or to dump too much on him at one time. I'm sharing some seriously awful stuff right now, so it seems unfair that he has to worry about a hysterical, suicidal woman too. (Even though I feel like a little kid,and not a grown woman.)
As far as meds go, I'm not sure what to do. Yesterday I was in so much pain and needed some relief. Today I'm completely numb. I told my therapist during the check in call today about a new memory that came up last night. It is a pretty horrible one, but it makes a lot of other things make sense, finally. I related it in a detached, clinical way. I know this worried him.
He made me promise to (PROMISE!) to take sleeping meds tonight. He said he thinks I've boxed the emotions and that is fine, good even, but if I don't sleep when I get past the shock of all this, I won't be able to handle it. And that is when people get seriously suicidal.
But it seems to me, right now, that all the past stuff just needs to be put away. It doesn't matter anymore what I remember. And it doesn't matter if there is more of this. It is all the same. It was bad, it is over and I need to get over it. It hurts too much to keep peeling this onion. I have enough to worry about in the here and now. So, as long as I can, I'm going to bury it. I suspect my therapist won't let me do that for very long, but between now and Monday it feels like a good plan.
poster:Daisym
thread:400126
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041002/msgs/400606.html