Posted by mandinka on October 5, 2004, at 0:18:50
In reply to Re: In agony over termination, posted by Annierose on October 4, 2004, at 19:13:48
Thanks for your support, ladies. I'm so happy to read your replies.
I of course thought about the possibility of T1 having a thing for me but it somehow doesn't feel right. He got married not so long ago and my sense was that he's happy with his wife. Also, he said he wouldn't be taking on any new regressive patients and he mentioned, drifting someplace else in his thoughts, that "if he knew a couple of weeks ago what he knew now he would never have taken me onboard". He was saying this in the context of him being ill (which wasn't true as I've already explained) but that part actually felt real. And I know he wasn't thinking about something being very wrong with me. He mentioned before that he was surprised that so much of me was left intact given my history.
When we had the first "goodbye" session (the health issue was still the "reason" for us parting then) and I said I would like to have him as a father, he smiled and said that yes, he'd make a good father "for a girl like you - bright, sensitive, sweet". He said there's an elegance and beauty about me. It didn't sound like infatuation just appreciation... But when we talked last time over the phone (I fought for him to stay with me and pressured him in an email to tell me the truth. That obviously pissed him off) - he stated that he didn't want any relationship with me, he would feel uncomfortable working with me and that we are not right for each other. When I asked quietly "Who's fault is it?" and "What went wrong?" (I was too heartbroken to be angry), he said "What's the difference?" He just didn't want to talk about "us". He said in this half-apologetic tone that I should stay with T2, because she has done a lot of work on herself and is a good person. I agreed with that. Indeed she is empathic and very accepting. We said "Bye" - him smiling with relief, as I recognized by his tone.
He left a message on T2's answering machine that he was terminating the relationship with me. T2 called his therapist/supervisor and said that her client deserves closure. The supervisor replied that she cannot say anything without permission but she does not support me and T1 working together. T1 never called back about the closure issue.
T2 thinks that the problem here is really with T1 not me. She says that she doesn't see anything in me that isn't lovable. Isn't that nice?!
I recently emailed T1 and asked for his opinion about another therapist (T2 couldn't help me here). I also wrote that despite the fact that we haven't spent a lot of time together and there probably isn't much to look at, I'd like to get my records. T1 replied to the recommendation part of the email with one sentence but didn't say anything about the records. I wonder if he'll send them over. If not, at least I'll have a reason to bug him. ;)
poster:mandinka
thread:398929
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041002/msgs/399007.html