Posted by Racer on October 4, 2004, at 12:39:19
In reply to therapy and openess, posted by rubenstein on October 4, 2004, at 9:58:21
It's always your choice. There are two sides to the question about which is better, but the bottom line is that it's always your choice.
On the one hand, answering even though you don't feel ready can force you to open up about something you might not be ready for months or even years early, and that allows you to get through it that much sooner. In a perfect world, that would be great, but in the real world, that means that you may be laid out by something much too overwhelming at a time when you're much too vulnerable to handle it. In a perfect world, you'd have adequate support around you to keep you safe and secure while your innermost being is flayed and trying to grow back new skin. In the real world, though, that's rarely the case.
Saying that you're not ready, then, has a real value. I think ShortElise is the one who said that her therapist continued to bring some of those things up, which is good, because that usually allows something to come out, a little at a time, which is often the best way for anything that's so overwhelming.
Personally, I tried to bring something up for a long time with my therapist. I started seeing this one in early June, and started trying to tell her about my eating in mid-August. It took me until late September to manage it, and then only because I had a big external push. There are things that we're just not ready to discuss at any given time, things that we're not capable of discussing until we're more ready. For me, my weight and my eating were that thing. I know that she must have had a head's up about it, based on a lot of things, but even knowing that she had probably been made aware of it before I said anything, I still couldn't say it out loud.
Just as a note about this, though, I've found that it always does take an external push for me, on the really tough issues. There are times when I hold back because I really and truly cannot yet face it, but then there are also times when I'm almost there, but it's still so scary I do need that push. I try to be aware of which state I'm in when I'm asked about something, so that I can use the appropriate pushes to get myself a little farther forward. The best method for me is a therapist who can be sensitive and not keep pushing when I'm not holding back out of worry, but out of outright, overwhelming fear.
Good luck.
poster:Racer
thread:398769
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041002/msgs/398811.html