Posted by Poet on October 3, 2004, at 17:33:06
In reply to Re: Trust, Feeling Safe Other Things That Elude Me » Poet, posted by fallsfall on October 2, 2004, at 15:20:15
Hi Fallsfall,
> It is perfectly understandable - you have trusted people in the past and they have hurt you - why would you trust anyone again?. But the problem is that you want to feel better, and you know that you need help to do that.Exactly. I know that I can't get through this alone, but part of me sends off warning signals that say remember what happened to you the last time you trusted anyone.
I thought my pdoc was criticizing me for being a therapy failure. Then I thought that he was judging my therapist because I've been seeing her for two years with what I thought he'd see as very little progress. Then I went back to thinking he was judging me.
> Let me propose an alternative message. Perhaps he thinks that you need some help with your suicidal thoughts. Perhaps he is trying to figure out who might best be able to help you. Maybe the first person who comes into his mind is your therapist.I never thought about that. He honestly might have just thought that my therapist might be the best to help me since I only seem him once a month for meds management.
> *** Poet, you are assuming that if he talks to her that she will be "in trouble". If they are both competent professionals, they won't talk about her doing "the wrong thing". They might brainstorm some things that she could do that would be *more* helpful for you.
I didn't think about them working together to figure out how I can benefit the most from their help. I just felt threatened and up went my defense system.
I never would have thought that pdoc wanted to work with my therapist to figure out how to get me the help I need. I signed the permission for them to talk to each other when I was in a really bad state and they never did. Maybe I wouldn't be sliding backwards if they had. Never thought of that, either.
Lots to think about.
Thank you for helping me assemble my mental jigsaw puzzle. I think I'm missing a few pieces, maybe I can let my therapist help me find them? I am going to write down the things that I just can't say outloud and let her read it on Thursday. I won't look at her.
Thanks so much for your insight and understanding.
Poet
poster:Poet
thread:398271
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041002/msgs/398605.html