Posted by gardenergirl on September 23, 2004, at 18:55:11
In reply to Re: How do you address your therapists? » antigua, posted by Pfinstegg on September 23, 2004, at 17:17:49
> Him: "first name". Me: "hi" or "you". Analysis is such an intimate experience that "Dr. ********" seems much too formal but, at the same time it somehow doesn't feel respectful to call him by his first name, either (we are roughly contemporary in age). So far, this has worked out all right, I think.
I have this same dilemma. My T is a bit older than me, but feels like a contemporary because I seem to always gravitate toward older than me folks...probably a result of having to act like a little adult when I was a kid. Got praised for that kind of thing...
Anyway, he has never said what to call him. I was raised that you call elders and I suppose doctors by their last names unless they asked you to call them by first name. And actually, when I was about 12, I remember very clearly a new neighbor coming over and saying, "the kids can call me Barbara" and my mother saying "the kids will call you Mrs. _____". So it's a habit with me. I wish he would say call me [first name] although after a year, it would seem very weird indeed. It's actually the same with the faculty at school, although many of the younger ones are pretty good at giving you some kind of signal one way or another to what they prefer.
I have learned from this that I shoujld be explicit up front with clients about asking them what they would like to be called---almost all say first name---and then asking them or at least giving them permission to call me by first name. Of ocurse now that I read Miss Honeychurch's response, I may modify that to asking them what they would like to call me.
On a similar note, I didn't start calling my in-laws to be by their first names or as Mom and Pop until the month before the wedding when she finally said, GG you don't have to call us Mr. and Mrs. G. But they had never said anything before...so that's how strong the childhood influence has been.
On a similar note, I also am very uncomfortable with using anything or moving anything in his office. Yeah, I'll use kleenex, but that's it. There have been issues with coasters, distance, pillows, etc, that I just accept because it feels like his space and I "shouldn't touch". Yikes I guess my parents were pretty heavy handed with their rules.
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:394142
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040918/msgs/394267.html