Posted by Racer on September 8, 2004, at 16:41:00
In reply to Re: ROFL, posted by Dinah on September 8, 2004, at 16:08:02
I must also have Dinah Syndrome.
That's the thing with my eating: I've tentatively brought it up a few times with doctors and therapists over the years. The first time, I was in my teens (and weighed a few pounds more than I do now), and said to my doctor something like, "My mother thinks I'm too thin, and worries that I might have an eating disorder..." She looked me up and down, and said, "No, you're fine -- and if you did have an eating disorder, you wouldn't ask that question." See, "lack of insight" is a definining characteristic of any eating disorder -- even if you're not a teenager, and have been down this road before. That's part of the reason it's so hard for me to bring it up with either therapist or pdoc.
The rest of the responses have fallen into two catagories: "it's not on your chart, so it's not relevant"; and "you don't look all that thin to me." The first one is what's just happened with that awful therapist -- when I did tell her that I was getting scared, because I was starting to feel the need to stay hungry, she asked if I ate -- "Of course I eat!" -- and then if I purged -- "no." So, since I didn't purge, and it wasn't on my chart as a possible problem, she didn't bother to ask *what* I eat. As for the second response, well, it's true: I don't look too thin -- unless you actually look at me. I don't look skeletal, because I'm not built to look skeletal. You -- Dinah, a woman who can probably 'see' women -- would say I was thin, maybe even too thin. People who know me say I'm much too thin. Dr EyeCandy -- a man, who sees women based in large part on whatever flavor he finds sexually appealing -- didn't see a problem with my weight, and never bothered to ask what I weighed after the first visit -- which was 40 pounds ago. Again, since it wasn't in my chart, it wasn't relevant.
Regardless of all that, of course, I'm still afraid to bring it up. I think it would look crazy to ask for a diagnosis, for one thing, and I'm also afraid that, if the doctor said 'no' based on any of the above, it would lock me into this even more completely. On the other hand, I don't look sick-thin, so it's not likely to be addressed unless I say something about it. Very hard situation to be in.
As for you, if you need something beyond Dinah Syndrome -- and please note that it's a Syndrome, not a Disorder -- here's what I try to hold on to: Whatever label is put on it, I'll still have the same symptoms tomorrow that I had yesterday, with the treatment overwhelmingly the same. The biggest difference is that, with a more accurate diagnosis, the treatment may become more effective, too. Since psychotherapy doesn't have to rely on Diagnostic Codes as much as medication might, it's unlikely to make any really significant difference.
Listen, for all that I'm talking about myself here, I do empathize with you. This is a really big issue for me right now, so I share some of your pain on this.
I also share the reluctance to 'admit' to any diagnosis outside the pdoc's office. It's even hard for me to admit to having arthritis, for that matter, or allergies. (Although I'm almost proud to be allergic to cats -- but then again, I have two fuzzy allergens running around the place, so that's probably why. Sort of a badge of honor, in a very perverse way. Remember: I'm nuts.) Maybe it's that whole thing with never admitting vulnerability? Never show any sign of imperfection? Dunno.
Bottom line, if it helps any, is that I like you. Might not mean much, but multiply it by the number of other people here who will say the same thing to you if you ask. It's OK with me if you wear stylish clothes -- as long as you like them.
Best to you, Dinah.
poster:Racer
thread:387451
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040905/msgs/388200.html