Posted by almondjoy on August 29, 2004, at 10:34:39
im not sure if this is the right board to post to...but i feel like i want to work out my anxiety seeing my pdoc and could use some advice or something...
im bdp since my initial treatment for depression five years ago... ive been proud of myself as far as feeling improvement relationship-wise. ive been in my first long-term relationship (instead of getting sick of everyone in 6 mo or less--im ending my relationship at almost 2 years) i've seen the same pdoc for 2 years. and ive stayed in school (sometimes part time) but STAYED for 2 years and just started back.
ok the problem is im scared to talk to my pdoc... i don't tell him about my drug and alcohol use, the severity of my symptoms (unless im totally out of control) or if im feeling suicidal. after being in a state hospital for a few months im terrified anything i say will be added to my "dossier" and eventually used against me for commitment. i feel like i have to censor my every expression and conversation or "i might end up back THERE"
furter than that i do the same thing, to a some lesser degree with my family and friends...so much anxiety thinking...someone might find out im crazy or think im acting funny and put me back there...the way i figured out to get of there is fake it...everythings gravy...im concerned with hobbies and im sober and i take my medication and i feel just GREAT
its so aggravating constrictive
:(
poster:almondjoy
thread:383620
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040828/msgs/383620.html