Posted by DaisyM on August 27, 2004, at 16:02:28
In reply to Re: How do I give help? » Susan47, posted by Miss Honeychurch on August 27, 2004, at 15:47:14
I think the only thing you can do is listen and listen some more. Not knowing your friend, I don't know why she isn't seeking help but sometimes fear and pride are powerful things. So many of us were raised to believe we should just get over it and move on. Losing both parents is terribly hard.
Maybe you could frame the discussion around her grief. It is more acceptable to grieve than be depressed. Something along the lines of, "you had a tough year and now your grief is almost tangible. I'm hurting for you and wish I could help. Maybe talking about your parents would help some? What do you miss most?"
Another thought: caring for people you love who are ill is rough and there are so many conflicting feelings...some of which seem mean and selfish. She might not want to share with you that she resented some of what she had to do or that she was angry about it at times. This doesn't make her a bad person. But these are hard things to admit, especially since they don't fit with the selfless love we want to be able to give.
You are a good friend to worry about her. Give her time. Something will make her ready. Often the anniversary of the death is the time people enter therapy. In the meantime, take care of yourself too.
poster:DaisyM
thread:383039
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040821/msgs/383081.html