Posted by lucy stone on August 21, 2004, at 6:39:07
In reply to Don't know if anyone can help, but I'll try anyway, posted by pretty_paints on August 21, 2004, at 5:17:46
I do something similar but it is not focused one a specific person. I have sort of an ideal fantasy person in my head. It also started when I was in my teens, and starting then I spun elaborate fantasies about what my life would be like if I could have the fantasy become real. The person in the fantasy is always male and although it usually has some sexual elements it is not primarily sexual. Throughout my life I have tried to put the fantasy in play with different men always with disasterous results of one kind or another. I had these fantasies with my first therapist with the predictable result, so when I started with my current T I asked him in a round about way that if I started acted in a certain way could he handle it and know what to do. He assured me he could and when it happened we would deal with it. He tells me that I will never be able to experience the real and good things in my life until I give up the fantasies. It is very, very difficult to do and often I do not want to. This fantasy has served me well in my life and gotten me through some very rough patches but has also caused me great difficulty. I am working on relating to my T as a real person and not through the fantasy filter and I tell you truthfully that he was better in the fantasy!...but not real, of course. I am working on this through an analysis and I know that is not the right way for everyone. I know that it makes me very, very scared to let go of my fantasy and see the world in a real way. I suspect that your fantasy has come back so strongly because you are working on eliminating it. Even though it feels like deep down you do not want to eliminate your fantasies about this guy I suspect a part of you knows that it will make your life better if you can do it. I have faith in you, that you can find the strength to give this up and do what is right for you. Keep taking your meds, keep seeing your T, and believe that you can do this for yourself. Just an aside, I have been married to a fabulous guy for 29 years but that didn't stop these fantasies. He has never been as good as the guy the in the fantasy. It's not the lack of reality that makes these fantasies happen, but the fantasies get in the way of real life.
poster:lucy stone
thread:380277
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040821/msgs/380284.html