Posted by Dinah on August 14, 2004, at 23:42:29
In reply to Re: talking to who shows up... » Dinah, posted by Pfinstegg on August 14, 2004, at 23:11:42
Definitely not finished. :)
I like the way you reframed that for me Pfinstegg Are you internalizing your analyst like I do my therapist? :) And you're right. There is definitely growth. As my therapist says, growth for me is glacial, but it does happen.
And no, I don't feel disturbing fragmentation. At one time I felt confused and very upset by what was going on. But once I understood it, I would say that I don't feel disturbing fragmentation at all. I feel calm seggregation. Both parts of me feel quite happy and secure in who they are, their limitations, their strengths. (Although admittedly there would be a fair amount of disagreement between the parts about limitations and strengths. lol.) My only huge problem is shame that the experience isn't more widely accepted, and self hatred that I don't have the courage to combat the lack of acceptance. I naturally don't tell anyone. And I'm always afraid I'll be met with derision and skepticism. That people will think it's like Sybil. That I'll be asked to switch. Or that people will want to know who they're talking to, or to call me by different names. And it's not like that. It's really quite natural and simple and really sort of boring as it manifests itself in me, anyway. I'm only talking about myself here, not anyone else. :) Other than that, I'm quite happy being me and me. I have no desire to change it at all. As usual, I'd rather change the world. lol.
Now my therapist thinks that the disagreements between me and me are a problem. He doesn't care if we integrate, but he wants us to cooperate. And sometimes we do, this board being a prime example. But sometimes our goals are so different that cooperation is impossible because we can't agree on what to cooperate *on*. And there are things about each of us that the other doesn't like. Sometimes a lot of things. But I don't want to change to please myself, and neither do I. ;)
poster:Dinah
thread:376265
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040812/msgs/377813.html