Posted by lucy stone on August 14, 2004, at 20:30:54
In reply to Re: Boundaries (may trigger) » lucy stone, posted by shrinking violet on August 14, 2004, at 19:38:58
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> >> He would never encourage me to add an extra session, even if I were in great distress.
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> My T would, if I asked her, I think. At one point she suggested I see her twice per week, which I did for a while (actually, I think I need more support right now and would prefer to go back to twice a week, but do I ask her? No. Instead, I try to send her messages so she'll think I need them and bring it up....*sigh*). I sort of wonder why your T wouldn't give you an extra session if you needed one....I guess I don't see how that would be crossing boundaries (unless he's afraid it would foster a dependence on him?).
>I can see that I wasn't clear on this. HE would never suggest that I add a session, but if I ask for an extra he will do his best to see me. I am doing an analysis, though, so I already see him 4x per week. If he or I need to cancel a one of more sessions I am usually OK with it, but if I want all 4 he will do what he can.
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> Again, I guess I don't see how a phone call to someone in distress is crossing a boundary (unless, again, he doesn't want it to become a dependence on him), but since he does trust that you would call him if you were in crisis (would you?!), then I guess I can see how he would say what he did. I also think it might be a bit dangerous that you think he would call if he says he wouldn't...if he did, great, but what if he didn't and you needed him to? Would you call him? Or would you suffer and maybe jeopardize your safety?
> >I think he wouldn't call because he wants me to be in charge of my therapy. I also think it may be because I am always pushing at the boundaries and he thinks it would encourage me to push for him to initiate more contact. I think that I would call him if I were seriously in danger but I am not 100% sure. I tell him that if I were acting on my suicidal ideations why would I call? My aim would be to carry out my plans. Sometimes I want to kill myself not because I don't want to live anymore but to punish the people who enrage me. Sometimes that person is him. He thinks I use threats of self harm to manipulate him and it is true I sometimes do. If he were to call and check on me it would encourage me in my manipulation. It's a complicated issue for us.
> >> He would never volunteers any personal information about himself.
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> I know most T's don't, from what I've read and heard. Mine does. I've never asked her any personal questions (she's asked me to ask her smething about herself, but I was so embarrassed and was so afraid of asking something inappropriate that I couldn't do it). There is one thing I want to ask her, but I'm waiting for the right time, and I think she'd tell me (she's brought it up herself at various times but hasn't gone into detail) but who knows. I like that my T self-discloses, because it makes it a bit more balanced and less like I'm spilling my guts to a wall. It also personalizes and humanizes her more, which makes it easier to talk to her, in turn.
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I think for me it is better that he doesn't self disclose. Sometimes when I ask him about himself the answers are not what I want to hear and I wish I hadn't asked. He says that the issue would come up in sooner or later in another way, but I have become very cautious in what I ask.> >> He very, very seldom initiates the conversation in a session, he waits for me to start.
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> Oh, cripes, if my T did this we'd literally NEVER talk. I have such a hard time verbalizing....I could easily sit there for the whole hour and not say anything (it drives her nuts, though*lol*). She's a HUGE talker.....sometimes it's hard, b/c she'll start to ramble and then I'm not sure how to respond to her, but she's very good at starting the session and asking questions when I get stuck/quiet.
> >I have had sessions where I didn't talk or talked very little and it was agonizing to me. He wants me to talk about what is on my mind and says that only I know what that is. An analysis is somewhat different from regular therapy in this regard, but he also never initiated when I was in conventional therapy.
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poster:lucy stone
thread:377663
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040812/msgs/377739.html