Posted by Pfinstegg on August 14, 2004, at 19:04:53
In reply to Re: Above for Pfinstegg ^^^^(caution - may trigger, posted by daisym on August 14, 2004, at 17:07:23
I wonder if our therapists trained together! He asked me to bring drawings of the room arrangements in the house I lived in as a child, and kept them in front of him for weeks while he asked the same sort of questions. We started with the girl taking him on a room-by-room tour of the house, and telling him where each piece of furniture was, where the beds were, how she felt at various times of the day in the rooms, all very detailed and at a slow pace. Once we had done that, the girl seemed to decide that he was a safe guide, and she could start to talk to him more directly about her thoughts and feelings. It was such a new, startling experience to realize that, while *I* really trust my analyst and want to hurry up and get my problems solved, *she* has to proceed very cautiously-she has difficulty knowing whether he can be trusted or whether he is another abusive male. My analyst does some amazing things (like yours)- one time, it popped into my mind to talk about wading in brooks when I was a girl (I grew up on a farm). He said, "maybe you would like to come and see the brook outside my balcony." I said. "OK". He went over and drew the sliding door back, saying, "you can see it best if you come out on the balcony". We both stood on the balcony; there was a brook running through a little park with clear water and a tiny waterfall.
the girl: "it's beautiful- do you wade in it?"
T: "no, but I cross over those stones when I walk over to pick up my car after it's been serviced." (he points)
girl: "you do? It's nice to have everything you need nearby." (she looks at him, not afraid). "I'm going to lie down again."
T: "OK.
girl: "that's your brook"
T: "you might like to go and walk there sometime"
girl: "I'm going to. You have everything here-sunlight, fresh air, goldfinches (there's a birdfeeder on the balcony) and a brook- and you have yourself- that's the most important."
T: "mm"
girl: "and I have you, too."
T: "yes, you do- I'm your doctor"
girl: "that's so good- mostly, I've had to be my own doctor."
T: " yes, but now you have me- I'm going to be here as long as you need me."
girl; "I'm so happy!"
Reading what I've just written, I know it sounds a little silly, but in fact, it really WAS the girl speaking to him, and he was speaking directly to her. It sounds like such a simple exchange, but in fact it was moving and powerful- and very helpful in getting the girl to feel safe enough to speak to him more fully- she felt much safer because he recognized that she liked to wade in brooks- and just followed his own instincts! Invariably, when he does follow them, like that- really taking chances- he's so on target! Things like this happen only occasionally, but are so meaningful and helpful when they do. When I tell him that, he says they are "co-created" interactions- he never knows when they'll happen either, but he does also put a high value on them.
What you said is so true- it is SO much harder to bring the actual child into the therapy relationship to tell her story; she is so much more enraged, fearful and disgusted than the adult, who, as you say, kind of knows in general but avoids the most painful feelings. I think the little exchange I printed out is an example of the girl having a really new experience with her analyst- one that's safe and fun. Do you have those?
poster:Pfinstegg
thread:376265
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040812/msgs/377709.html