Posted by JenStar on August 13, 2004, at 11:22:23
In reply to My first crisis call, posted by Aphrodite on August 13, 2004, at 7:08:49
hi Aphrodite,
I don't think you should worry about needing to call once in a while. It shows, I think, a personal strength -- you knew you needed to call, and so you did it!Are you afraid that you'll fall down the "slippery slope" -- if I called once, I'll need to call again...and then I'll keep calling, and suddenly I'll fall apart and need to call him every 10 minutes?
(I ask because this is common thinking for ME -- I am sort of OCD-ish, and I persist in drawing out every situation to its worst possible conclusion, and then I dwell exclusively on that, over and over...until I'm super-anxous!)
You sound like a strong, capable and intelligent person. :) I don't think you should be afraid to ask for help now and then. 99.9% of the time, that's what it is -- we go thru rough patches, need a hand, and then get better; we don't stay stuck there and need the help forever.
Please don't feel regret. I think you are my "today rolemodel" (I try to pick someone every day who inspires me somehow.) You have shown me that it's OK to ask for help when it's needed, even if I'm loathe to ask for it because I like to be seen as strong and completely self-sufficient. Thanks! :)
Good luck to you. It IS Friday. Is that a good thing for you? I hope you have some fun weekend plans. Anything fun lined up?
take care.
JenStar> After 10 months of therapy, I finally called after much back and forth and confusion about calling him after hours in a moment of crisis and suicidal angst. I believe my fear of he disappointing me when I would be at most vulnerable scared me to death, and I kept it as an ideal "Plan B" and tried to never use it. But last night was just too much. You know how that can be . . .
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> He called back promptly and said he was about to call me anyway because he suspected I was not doing well after a particularly hard session the day before. He did all of the right things. It was late and I was curled up in my bed crying, and he soothed my angst. He talked specifics about the strengths I have and the hope I couldn't see. He said he would carry the faith for me until I could see the light of day again. He was gentle and kind. It made a huge difference to lean on him.
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> And today, I feel a strange hangover of regret. I am so frightened of how I dependent I felt when I called, how much I needed him when he spoke to me, and I have a fear of becoming addicted to his help instead of figuring things out on my own. He said he would check on me today -- one part of me is relieved, the other wants to tough it out to prove I don't need him.
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> I can't win for losing.
poster:JenStar
thread:377108
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040812/msgs/377177.html