Posted by daisym on August 4, 2004, at 1:06:06
I've read lots here about how hard things are when your therapist is on vacation. Mine is leaving for his next Friday and will be gone 10 days. Not that long, we'll miss about 4 sessions. And he won't be available by phone...he has someone covering. I'm sure I will miss him and be sad but that isn't the really big fear I have.
I have a completely irrational fear that he isn't coming back. We talked about this yesterday and I actually burst into tears and wailed at him! He was very understanding and talked about how hard he knew it would be for me, given the amount of contact we typically have. He wanted to know what would make it easier, if seeing someone while he was gone was what I wanted. I said "NO!" that feels like he is setting up a replacement, which feeds my fear. He said he was worried about me feeling all alone. He wanted to know if I wanted to keep something of his while he is gone, so that he stays more real for me. I told him I'd think about that because I couldn't think of anything off the top of my head. I don't know if that will help. I think I'd rather have him leave me a message on my vm just reassuring me that he is coming back. That way I can listen to it a million times if I need to.
I have been trying to journal these feelings out because they don't make sense to me. I realized that the other thing I'm afraid of is that this break will change things...that he will come back different, or a wall will go up between us. It has taken me so much time and so many painful sessions to pull that wall down, I'm terrified that I will slide back into totally self-protecting mode. But how do I not do that, given he is gone and I need to?
Has anyone else worried about this? Does taking a break change things? How do I calm down the little kid parts who are really, really sure that they are being left...again? How do I not shut down completely over the next week and a half, "wasting" sessions?
Why does this have to be so hard? :(
poster:daisym
thread:373835
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040728/msgs/373835.html