Posted by partlycloudy on July 15, 2004, at 16:55:58
Yesterday was my third treatment. I allowed my EMDR T to converse to my regular T (they are across the hal form each other), and so since my most pressing problem lately has been anxiety and panic, that's what we addressed. I am impressed that they are working in concert on this.
The treatment involved my memories of past events that trouble me, nag me, haunt me - I can't get past them. I thought that talking about them would help to resolve, but instead it just gets me more upset since I have no opportunity for closure of any kind.
So she had me visualize cords connecting my body to these past events. They were strong , like umbilical cords (I guess, not ever having had a baby!); and they dragged me around, weighing me down. She had me picture a pair of golden scissors that severed each cord in turn, then bathed the wound in me with soothing water. I cried throughout, in grief, in pain, and in relief. As each cord was cut, it floated up and away (reminded me of the video for 99 Red Balloons - now you all know I'm old!!) trailing the withering cords behind them. I thanked each cord for the experience they had given me, and sent them on their way.
Then I visualized my present. I had to grow cords to Now in order to ground myself with them. What do I treasure now; what is important to me? I had no cords at all until I made them. They are still stringy and not strong cords, but I will have to practice this connection in my meditations.
So - without addressing the individual events that have haunted me opressively for 10+ years, I have been able to release them en masse; thanked them for the experience and wisdom they imparted (no hard feelings expressed), and am trying to connect myself to my present experiences.
Once again, it was very heady and powerful. The therapist made the suggestions of the cords and scissors, but I did all the work. Everyone has noticed a considerable improvement in me: my concentration, my interaction with others, my direct contact, too (eye to eye).
It was very subtle and also very powerful. I am extremely grateful that I was in a position to be ready to do this. Hauntings are bad enough, but when you drag them around with you every single day, you get depressed, anxious, panicked. Today I had glimmers of panic but milder. This will take time for me to strengthen and understand.
Thanks for listenening (or rather, reading).
pc
poster:partlycloudy
thread:366600
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040703/msgs/366600.html