Posted by DaisyM on June 21, 2004, at 21:14:14
In reply to Re: Father's Day, posted by fires on June 21, 2004, at 18:15:30
Fires,
I have been in psychotherapy for a little over a year. I go currently 3x's a week and usually have at least one phone check in with my Therapist during the week.
What I meant by "safe" was not opening up a whole bunch of painful "stuff" because this is a hectic work week for me -- have a corporate budget due to my Board of Directors. This, in and of itself, is stressful.
Basically I suffer from situational depression (my husband is dying) and PTSD. I also have a high stress job, which I love, but since we work with disabled infants and toddlers, we often have to deal with their deaths. You never get use to this.
Therapy for me flips from lots of intensive support to exploring what happened to me. Today we talked about what being happy looks like to me, vacation possibilities and life goals. On top of everything else, I'm trying to "find myself" and decide who I really am, how this fits with what other people want me to be and what might have to change in order to mesh the two.
Do I feel safe with my Therapist? Absolutely. He is amazing. Do I feel safe with my memories? No. they are loaded with fear and self-hatred.
It might surprise you to know that before we started working on the PTSD we had several discussions about whether this would be helpful or not, how disruptive it might be to my life and if this was even the right time to do this work. But since the memories were forcing themselves forward, we decided we were going to have to deal with them. My Therapist is very cautious, never asks leading questions and takes all of this very seriously. He is at least as smart as I am (she says, ego firmly intact)so he rarely lets me get away with "easy" answers. I'm very use to being in charge of everything, including my emotions. It has surprised the hell out of me to feel like a young child sometimes.
You asked a very good question. I wasn't offended. Before I started therapy, I wouldn't have believed I would have this intense of a relationship, both with therapy and with my Therapist. It challenges me like nothing ever, ever, has. It makes me be truthful and not hide behind my "so together" exterior.
I'm sorry you never had the same experience. I look forward to you posting more about your experiences.
poster:DaisyM
thread:358286
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040614/msgs/358811.html