Posted by Racer on June 20, 2004, at 16:18:43
In reply to Increased therapy making me worse (I think), posted by Aphrodite on June 20, 2004, at 10:02:22
Aphrodite, I'm in my own crisis right now, so you have my permission to write off anything I say to you about this. Obviously, this is "do as I say, not as I do" typing.
Now that the disclaimer is out of the way, let me try to get on with it. If you've read my other posts, you'll know that that's not likely to happen very quickly.
Yes. This does end. Personally, I call it the "dishrag" phase of therapy. That's because, no matter how "good" the therapy session, it leaves me feeling like a wrung out dishrag. I've broken bones, I've been hospitalized for very frightening and potentially life threatening physical ailments, I've been attacked by animals, I've been in car wrecks -- and not one of those things can come close to comparing with the absolute hell of the Dishrag Phase.
It does end.
Just about the time you're absolutely, positively sure it will never end, that nothing in life is worth the agony you're experiencing, one day it is over and you can't even imagine that it could have been so painful.
Part of my tragedy is being unable to have children. Those women I know who have spoken to me about childbirth have all said the same thing: they remember that it was so painful they couldn't imagine living through it. They have all said that they can't remember the pain. That's what the Dishrag Phase is like. Once it is past, it is past. You may remember that it was painful, you may have some residual melancholy over having had to go through it, but you will not remember the actual pain.
Aphrodite, despite my current hell, I can still tell you this from experience. Yes, I am experiencing a crisis which is so painful I can't imagine living through it. You'll notice I'm here today, and you'll notice that I'm posting to you, giving you more hope than I can muster up for myself. I don't know what that means to you, I don't even know what it means to me. But you have my promise that the Dishrag Phase ends.
My own Dishrag Phase happened 20 years ago, and I *knew* I could not live through it. I *knew* that it could never be healed. I did live through it. It did heal. Guess what? My current crisis has nothing whatsoever to do with anything related to those issues. The healing was complete.
I don't know what to tell you, Aphrodite, besides telling you about my own experience. I hope it helps you, I hope it gives you a life-line to cling to. If you choose to take DaisyM's advice and try to find someone to email with, I'm available for you. Just let me know, and I'll post an email address you can use.
poster:Racer
thread:358286
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040614/msgs/358365.html