Posted by Dinah on June 20, 2004, at 8:37:48
In reply to New Poster/Help -Awfully Painful Termination (long, posted by 10derHeart on June 19, 2004, at 11:47:15
Originally posted by 10derHeart 6/19/04
> Hi all,
> I am new here, although I’ve been reading your posts on this board for months and feel like I “know” some of you…and it’s an honor. I’m facing a terribly difficult termination with a dearly loved therapist in less than 2 weeks. I feel very overwhelmed and out-of control, tearful most of every day lately. Any responses from those who have done this/are doing it now will help a little.
>
> Okay – a brief history (although brief is hard for me): I'm 44, female, twice divorced, live alone. Have a wonderful daughter – 22 – who got married 2 days ago. I love the guy, so that’s all great thing. I was diagnosed with ADD 2 years ago, as well as anxiety, depression, mood swings. Fortunately, I got to work with 2 wonderful therapists in 2002 and 2003 (LCSW, MSW) with my P-doc in the picture 1X per month for meds/supervision. That is, until Oct 03 when my P-doc became my only T - his suggestion and I agreed when the MSW left clinic and moved out of state. We’ve met about once every 2 weeks for 8 months, although lately it’s been once a week. I don’t regret the choice, because I sensed 8 months ago we were building a bond that could really be special (amazing what patience and intimacy can do, ‘cause 2 years ago I hated him and thought he was “crazy”!). I was right – we have achieved a level of rapport that surpasses anything I’ve ever imagined possible. He is extremely kind, gentle, empathic and very skilled in guiding me in and out of those hurt places deep inside from my past. Not to mention, sweet, smart, funny and incredibly good-looking (what better set-up for heartbreak, right?) My personal nickname for my T. is Dr. DDG (=drop dead gorgeous) <sigh> Doesn’t make things any easier.
>
> He is a T in the same category as some of the wonderful T’s you guys have described. I’ve tested and pushed and he has been perfectly consistent and never let me down. I consider the fact we ended up in each other’s path a blessing from God. But…and some of you will know what I’m about to say…HOW DO YOU GIVE UP/SAY GOODBYE TO SOMEONE LIKE THIS IN YOUR LIFE AND ACTUALLY LIVE THROUGH THE PAIN AND SADNESS??!! My intellect and experience tells me I can and I will, but my heart is quite completely broken. My main, deep issues – once the ADD was explored and managed w/meds and counseling – have been loneliness, isolation, abandonment, lack of connectedness, etc. I’ve spoken for hours w/this man about my mom’s death 25 years ago, and found a black hole of grief and fear I had no idea I was carrying around due to lack of ever dealing with it. Makes so much of life since then make sense, and my T. has been compassionately right there “holding me” (with eyes, soft voice) on this journey. We’re not done, I hate this, and I can almost NOT accept it (irrational, I know)
>
> In a nutshell, he’s leaving, changing jobs and moving across the country. I’ve known for the whole 8 months, and he is doing what he can guiding me through the anxiety and grief. Probably the best he can considering the intensity of my love/transference/attachment. He stops seeing patients July 1st – I have 2 sessions left – one next week, one on July 1st. I’m sick, terrified, depressed, obsessed, hurting…you get the picture. I could fill in tons more details and will in future posts, but I’ll stop for now. This is enough to get started, and to any of you lovely, brave, struggling folks who’d read this far – thank you.
>
> I am reaching out to this board as a lifeline. My one or two close friends (or are they? Still relearning how to do “close”) are great, and know I’m dealing w/other tough losses and separations at work and with my daughter moving away. They know only a bit about Dr. DDG -–they just don’t understand, having never been in therapy. Besides, hinting at or trying to articulate “therapy love” is dismissed many times w/a nervous laugh and the label “crush” (which it is, but that’s 1 small aspect) and I’m told to get over it and find a real relationship. You guys are my best hope for some relief without the lack of empathy. Just can’t take that right now. – 10derHeart :(
>
poster:Dinah
thread:358268
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040614/msgs/358268.html