Posted by karen_kay on June 12, 2004, at 19:36:23
In reply to Re: LucyStone - Re: Bothered, posted by fires on June 7, 2004, at 18:00:34
i've learned the reasons for my anxiety. i remembered events from my childhood that directly caused me to be overly-anxious. it had a lot to do with me not feeling in control, which would cause me to 'flip out'. i don't mean raging or ranting, but i'd pace entirely too much if i felt that circumstances brought to me a feeling of not being in control. and there were other indicators that caused me to almost lose touch with reality, in a sense. showering (and closing my eyes in the shower was not an option. when washing my face, i'd have to wash half my face at a time so that i always had one eye open.) was a traumatic experience in itself for me. and i never could figure out why, until i was forced to talk in great detail about my past (what little i could remember). or, the fear of going to sleep, even with a light on. i realized why i would feel my heart racing and why i had to sleep with a light on.
any matter in which i felt i had no control (over my body or the situation) caused me utter panic. i'd pace. i'd cry. i would find it hard to breathe or even move. it's funny (you brought back some things, sorry if you find this boring) that i can still remember laying in bed and being fearful for my life. even with a light on, i would time my breathing to be sure no one could hear me breathe. i wouldn't move even if i had a cramp or an itch.
and vacuuming or drying my hair (anything that made noise and i wasn't able to hear what was going on around me) for a while was out of the question. in a sense, i was terrified somethign was coming to get me. and when i first started therapy, i thought that something was the devil or the boogey man. i realized, through therapy, just what i was afraid of (my father). i've realized that he isn't coming to get me. i've realized that i no longer have to live in fear. and i realized all of this the moment i understood what i was afraid of and why. (and i really thought i was going crazy before i realized what it was i was afraid of.)
so, to answer your question, i'd flip out when i was in a situation that caused me to feel as though i had no control (probably also stemming from my mother) and i'd become anxious when i wasn't completely aware of my surroundings. once i realized what i was afraid of, i haven't had that problem.
btw, i didn't take your comment to be condescending in any way.
poster:karen_kay
thread:354179
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040603/msgs/356160.html