Posted by Aphrodite on June 2, 2004, at 10:15:37
I apologize that I fell off the face of the board after my last hysterical post. I appreciate your concern -- it is so nice (and foreign!) to be cared about. After I went to therapy last week and things for the first time came out, I became so overwhelmed realizing that was only the tip of the iceburg, and I just wanted to blame my therapist and run away from it all. I was gone over Memorial Day weekend and am just now catching up on posts.
I have therapy tomorrow -- I still want to quit because that's easier. I just want to push everything back down again. It's so hard to function normally once all this starts to seep out of your pores, and I really know that the best thing is trying to push through it all. I just don't have the strength. Things looked so bleak over the weekend that I thought about calling my minister but decided not to bother him. I felt I couldn't get out of the hole by myself. At the time I wanted to call, I didn't care who knew how bad I was, I knew I needed help. Somehow, I returned to normal thinking, and normal thinking for me is that I didn't want to burden him. (Of course, my therapist has never invited me to call him and doesn't leave any emergency numbers or procedures, so that wasn't an option. Not that I would use it anyway.) Now, I just feel paralyzed and scared to death of what tomorrow's session will be like.
On top of all this, I feel so badly that I haven't been coherent enough to be keeping up with all of you. I feel so self-absorbed, which has been the thing I've hated most about this therapy process. I used to be the one to help everyone, now I want all the help. *Sigh* Hang in there with me.
Thanks again.
poster:Aphrodite
thread:352994
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040522/msgs/352994.html