Posted by DaisyM on May 27, 2004, at 20:41:28
I think it is important to recognize the natural markers of time passage and pause and take stock of things. The end of May marks the close of my first year in therapy. This amazes me because in some ways it feels like I've been doing this forever, and in others, like I just truly got started.
I still struggle with so much of what being in therapy means. Does taking this long mean I'm really messed up? Or is this "normal?" I'm terrified My Therapist will get bored or tired of all this, but that terror is less and less these days. I had very big worries about what the end of the first year would bring. We've spent some time talking about those worries, especially the one that says I'm supposed to be done. You'll know, he tells me. Stop watching for it.
I also struggled with knowing how to express my gratitude to him within the "boundaries" of the therapeutic relationship. I know helping me is his job. But as I reflect over the past year and the up and down course of this process, I also know that I was blessed to find him. I'm convinced that I would have driven someone else crazy by now. Learning to trust has been so hard and learning to open up without editing has been even harder.
So, I found a funny little card with a cute little girl of about 5 on it, totally decked out, red boots, a hat etc. on a pay phone talking. I told him that this was how I felt when I called him. And I gave him two little gifts that symbolize how I think and feel about the last year. One was a mini-book of quotes about beginnings which I said was full of words -- to represent things that he has said and that have stayed with me -- and the other was a beautiful journal that has no words -- to represent his belief that we can continually rewrite our personal stories.
I was a little nervous about giving these to him. I've heard stories about therapist and gifts. But I'm happy to say he loved them and the card, especially the journal because he does keep one. He noted their symbolism too...
I just had to quip that I did hope that I wouldn't be marking 5 years together, no matter how much I like him! He laughed. :)
poster:DaisyM
thread:351259
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040522/msgs/351259.html