Posted by Dinah on May 11, 2004, at 9:12:18
In reply to How long is too long?, posted by tterees on May 11, 2004, at 0:19:59
Hi, and welcome. :)
I've been seeing the same therapist for nine years, the last couple of years at twice a week. I can't deny that the therapy schedule has kept me more stable than I was before. Yet I also can't deny that after nine years, when things are going well in my life, I find therapy boring sometimes.
It could be that you *are* ready to fly solo, and just don't want to admit to yourself. In which case it might be interesting for you to try to reduce the frequency of your sessions. Many people have said that they're surprised at how much easier it is than they thought it would be.
The other option for boredom, and the one that I have chosen, is to start introducing new goals. Areas of your life that you think could be improved upon.
I can see hints from your post of areas that you might want to seriously tackle. You say that you feel lonely outside of therapy. You and your therapist could work on this together. He could assign homework. If he has trouble being that directive (as mine does sometimes because he knows how stubborn and defiant I can be about directives) you can come up with homework assignments for yourself with his help. My therapist and I are working on something similar right now. I rarely feel lonely when alone, but I frequently feel out of place with others, so we're working on strategies to tackle that.
You say that you try to recreate your old pattern with your father with other men outside therapy. Have you and your therapist explored this thoroughly? If you do understand it, but understanding hasn't led to change, perhaps you and he can think about alternate ways to meet those needs.
It worries me that you don't feel free, after ten years, to tell your therapist about your thoughts. I agree with Gardenergirl's post about that. When you say that you never had the thoughts before therapy, do you mean that you think therapy caused them? Is it possible that the things you discuss in therapy stir you up? Is your relationship with your therapist full of conflict? It would be interesting if you could sort out your thoughts that immediately precede the urges, but those things are best done *with* a therapist. Has he given you any reason to think that he would terminate you if you tell him?
I think we need to pay attention to the feelings like the ones you describe (and like my occasional boredom). I think they're trying to tell us something. But whether they're trying to tell you that you've gone as far as you can go with this therapist, or if they're trying to tell you that you need to go deeper and broader with this therapist, only you and your therapist can decipher.
Althought talking out the possibilities here is also frequently enlightening. Many is the time that towards the end of a thread here, I have a better idea of what's going on than all the puzzling in the world I can do on my own.
poster:Dinah
thread:345612
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040503/msgs/345670.html