Posted by B2chica on May 4, 2004, at 15:09:14
In reply to Re: afraid to go to appointment (follow-up, kinda), posted by ghost on May 4, 2004, at 13:07:35
(((Ghost))) please know we're all here for you.
i understand about the cost, i have to keep telling myself it's as necessary as buying food. In order to become/stay healthy this is a priority.
Yesterday i met with my docpsychologist and i was describing my feelings to cut and that i made several cuts because i was ready to cut my wrists so i did my leg and others to instead. I'm telling you this because he mentioned to me too about the verbal contract. He said he knows it may not be something 100% but that he still wanted to have it anyway. He kept asking if i would keep my next appointment, and i had to promise i wouldn't kill myself between yesterday and next monday.-Yes a week is a Very long time off when you're felling the way we do. So i take it as i need it. sometimes it's day by day, sometimes hour by hour and sometimes i do the 15min thing (where you say i'll wait 15min/24hours-whatever- if i still want to do it then, then i will. when that time is up do it for another 15min/24hours etc....
this has actually helped me out A LOT. Right before i ended up in the hospital i remember having to do it second by second with the blade trembling in my hand and tears blurring my vision. But it helped. it helped long enough for me to get the courage to call my pdoc.PLEASE hang in there and post here whenever you can. There are wonderful people here that Really Do Care!
maybe we should contract eachother...to see posts by each of us next week. i'm game if you are. infact i that's probably easier for me than keeping that appointment. It just gets harder and harder to go.
B2c.> i wanted to clarify that it wasn't a doctor.. it was a psychologist. phd, but not a pdoc. my bad.
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> i made it to the appointment. it was better than i imagined but not as good as i hoped, if that makes sense. i might post about it, once i kind of assimilate what went on. i was a little disappointed because he didn't seem to want to start any kind of so-called "therapy" since i told him i was probably moving soon. i guess it makes sense-- if i start to get into it, and then just have to start all over again in some new location. he set me up with a pdoc appointment (with a different one than the one that didn't work out last time-- this is all at the same location) to get me on some meds again and maybe a better balance and dosage of them (the last one wasn't really doing that great of a job with that) and set up another appt with him for one week from today.
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> i'm a little worried about cost because i thought my school insurance covered it fully, but it doesn't, once the semester is over. i'm entitled to insurance but not the full coverage of services. at least, this is what he told me. it wasn't my understanding when i asked around about it earlier, so now i'm confused, and i can't really afford to pay for visits.
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> he made me commit to an agreement not to try to kill myself between now and our next visit. i had to think for a very long time before i agreed to it. a week is just too far in advance for me to be planning for, i think. but i'll try.
poster:B2chica
thread:343154
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040503/msgs/343289.html