Posted by LG04 on April 20, 2004, at 14:02:27
In reply to Recovering/repairing old friendships, posted by skeptic on April 20, 2004, at 11:37:03
It's a great question.
I think for me, there are many issues involved, including: how deeply was I hurt, what do I think the chances of success are for us healing the relationship, how much emotional energy do I have to try to heal the relationship, do I think the friend is good for me, how much do I miss the person, have I grown too much to go back?
I had some very painful betrayals by friends after I started dealing with being sexually abused by my father. Some childhood friends were very unsupportive as they really liked my dad or just couldn't deal with it for their own reasons. I tried to reconcile with my best high school friend and after a few years of not speaking, I went to her wedding. It was very emotional for me and I'm glad I went. But what I also found out was that I didn't relate to her so well any more. I had already been in therapy for some years and had changed a lot inside. I feel sad when I think about it, but I realize that our friendship was meant to be for the time and place in which it took place...but it wasn't meant to last forever.
I had a very close college friend totally abandon me after I couldn't attend her wedding out of town because I was suffering from debilitating depression. In her opinion, if I just wanted to feel better and come to her wedding, I could have. I have thought about contacting her again and I know it would be okay because I asked a mutual friend of ours to ask her if I could email her and she said yes...but I am deeply hurt by the whole episode and not sure that I want a friend like her, even though I have great memories of her and miss her. I get huge knots in my stomach when I think of contacting her. I have to listen to my gut. I haven't ruled it out for the future, but for now, I can't do it.
I do have one friendship that I am confused about...we haven't spoken for two years and every once in a while I really want to contact her again. But something keeps me from it. It's a difficult and complicated relationship. I do believe we'll be friends again one day.
I don't know if this has been helpful. Just some of my experiences.
By the way, I have some amazing friends in my life so maybe that helps me to let go of the friends that aren't as good for me.
LG
poster:LG04
thread:338069
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040419/msgs/338123.html