Posted by Racer on March 24, 2004, at 18:58:38
In reply to Re: resonating like a gong! » Racer, posted by lonelygirl on March 24, 2004, at 17:40:42
Laughing my @$$ off over that -- no, honeychile, you won't get over crushes by getting older nor by being in a relationship -- trust me on that one! Let's see, in college I had a major crush on the head of my department. He'd bring sex into every lecture, and usually end up red in the face with sweat on his brow. How, exactly, you ask, does one bring SEX into a lecture on Jane Austen? He managed quite well, thank you. I'd go weak in the knees over him.
And despite a history of stable, long term relationships with men, I have continued to have crushes ever since -- including a crush on my pdoc. One difference is that crushes these days are less overwhelming for me. There's not the same drive to herd the poor fellow into bed, for one thing. (Of course, since my husband has zero interest in sex with me, I do have the urge to herd SOMEONE into my bed. That's different, though.) Another factor is that, with experience, I can predict with a certain amount of accuracy what a man might be like in bed. That doesn't mean that I don't enjoy the fantasies I have about other men, just that the idea of actually following through is a lot less compelling.
Crushes are not bad, my dear. They really aren't, as long as they don't interfere with your ability to navigate your life. If you engage in stalking behavior, for example, that's taking time away from more useful things you could be doing. (Notice I didn't say that stalking was bad in and of itself -- within reasonable bounds, it's probably harmless most of the time, but no matter how limited the behavior, it still takes time away from Real Life.) Having a healthy fantasy life is usually pretty good for you, as long as you recognize the differences between fantasies and what you want in your Real Life.
So, relax, get medicated, and have a life. You sound so much like me at your age, that my heart goes out to you, as if helping you recover can somehow improve my past. That may sound strange to you now, but get back to me in 20 years. I'll bet by then it'll make more sense. You have so much going for you, and it only takes finding a way -- not to bring it out, but to ALLOW it out. It's not about working to force your good qualities to the surface, it's about reducing your emotional walls so that what's naturally there can be seen from outside. You show us good things here, despite your pain, so it's really a question of finding out why you hide so much of yourself in your outside life. I sincerely hope you find a way to do that.
Good luck,
poster:Racer
thread:326708
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040321/msgs/327894.html