Posted by shortelise on March 10, 2004, at 14:02:06
In reply to Re: 1 last time - termination » shortelise, posted by Karen_kay on March 10, 2004, at 7:29:10
Off I go now to live through the perils and rewards of termination. Thanks very kindly to all of you for your words, and for writing all that you write here. Reading your experiences has helped me to understand that I am a pretty "normal" analysand, or patient, perhaps I should say - my guy's not a Freudian. Anyway, thanks.
And I would recommend printing out Erika Schmidt's response to my question on termination. Just tuck it away somewhere and give it a read later when you are going through it.But I guess I could tell you what I think I've learned about termination.
My therapist is not mine, he doesn't belong to me and I can't keep him. Picture a child on her knees faced with a stray puppy, smitten, heart full, eyes full of love for this potential beloved friend with whom she imagines she could pass her days in cherishing and being cherished by. Damn, he's wearing a tag, and a soft whistle in the near distance sets his ears erect and with a quick lick to her hand he's gone. My heart feels like that, left, left though by someone who never belonged to me in the first place.
What I wish is that there were another way to heal an attachment disorder, that I would not have had to get so attached, only to yet again break the attachment. It feels cruel. Yes, I know, it's important to live through the feelings to understand what happened. I've done that, I understand, but this too feels it's going to be a wrenching, heartbreaking process.
We're not through yet - for all I know it might take a year, maybe more, of fewer and fewer sessions.
It's worth it though, I think. As painful as it has been and will be, I am finally living in a more real world, one where everything doesn't hurt me. I have learned things that I am slowly learning to apply. I hope I can do it by myself as has been suggested here.
Thanks again. I'll read anything posted to this thread in the next few days.
ShortE
poster:shortelise
thread:322444
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040308/msgs/322950.html