Posted by 64Bowtie on March 2, 2004, at 15:43:12
In reply to Re: Are there things you're afraid to discuss?, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2004, at 16:16:21
> Is there a guide somewhere? Dr. Bob? Is there a guide to sensible on board disclosure?
< I know I risk being accused of wearing KNOW-IT-ALL underware, however.....
When I assigned myself goals of maturity and autonomy, I gave up my right to ask. Maturity made me immune to the impune (of my character). Autonomy is a two edged sword: Infinite freedom in exchange for infinite vulerability. Bear in mind that autonomy is a goal not yet achieved, so I have many aligator infested swamps of life to traverse. Armed with courage, curiosity, and highly developed abilities of perception, I continue to close in on my goals.
Specifically to your point, if I evaluate experiences as feel-goods are OK and feel-bads must be avoided, my life will not work and I will be a mess. I gave that plan up in 1988. I now evaluate the perception on its "multidimensional" merits, which as a child I lacked the wiring to do. I still have all my fingers and toes, so I haven't lost anything in the process.
In 1989, I risked telling what I saw as my biggest darkest secrets, I got laughed at as a bigginer. Within seconds, I was laughing, toooo! I instantly saw the folly of my label. That's all it now was, a label of "Biggest darkest secrets".
When I mix logic with feelings, I perform at my best. When I revert to what seems the safety of my feelings, I miss the mark. When I ignore my feelings, stuff blows up. I must find the harmonic of logic and feelings in concert to be effective universally. I hope I am now close!
Ignoring what might irritate others is crazy, even in autonomy. Challenging their irritation might be a noble act, though.
Find your harmony. And remember, avoid avoidance.
Rod
poster:64Bowtie
thread:318875
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040225/msgs/319415.html