Posted by tabitha on February 19, 2004, at 21:16:54
In reply to Re:She worked her usual magic » tabitha, posted by Dinah on February 19, 2004, at 20:16:59
It is almost too perfect, but she really did have a different interpretation of what happened, reasonable reasons for what she did, and she offered to let me check things out with the group next week to clarify whose perception was more correct. I actually did have hazy memories of some parts, where I didn't remember what was said at all. At times I don't look at anyone's faces, while she constantly monitors faces, so I think she really sees more emotional reactions than I do. Plus she is doing therapy with most if not all the others, so she knows them better.
Several times I've checked out my perceptions of people's reactions in the group and been dead wrong. It does blow my mind to find out how much filtering and interpreting I do. Other people do the same. Sometimes we'll all compare impressions of something that was said and it's like the story of the blind men and the elephant.
It would make more sense if I gave examples.. it's just hard to write out all the details. For instance, I had said that I was finding some of the questioning intrusive and off-track, and explained I'm introverted and like some silence in conversations so I can process. One woman said that when she heard that she reacted as if I was making rules for the group, and she's a rules person so she felt she had to follow the rules. Clearly this is a distortion of what I said. I expected the therapist to follow up and sort of make this woman admit she was distorting it. When she didn't do that I felt she was letting people dump on me. So I asked the therapist why she let that remark go, and she said that the way she heard it, the woman was aware that what she was saying was a ridiculous distortion and was her own issue. I also thought the woman was expressing some anger toward me, and the therapist said she didn't hear any. I pretty much expect people to get mad at me if I challenge them, so I can see how I might hear anger that isn't there. I can also look back at the situation and see that my therapist's interpretation could hold, and is a little more reasonable than mine.
Then there was this long argument about whether one group member was listening to me or not. The therapist saw several indications she was listening, which I didn't see. She pointed out I sure have a lot of anger toward that woman, and suggested I'm displacing anger against my mother onto her. Well dang if those kind of suggestions aren't maddening, but it does seem like I have some issue with this woman above and beyond the little group interactions. I can see if thinking about my mother instead of this woman will dissipate some of it.
She told me I can clear it up next week, which I'll probably do, but I'm just sure her interpretation is closer to the truth than mine. To hang onto my own perceptions I'd have to believe people are actually lying to me about themselves.
Every week there are so many little interactions like this. Some of them get processed during the group, but a lot of time is spent hashing things over in my individual sessions. It's exhausting. My therapist has told me I really do seem to distort people and situations, and it's a big issue in my relationships. I trust her enough to believe she's right. It's just so much work to dismantle the process. It's an ego blow, which is what I complain about so much here. I hate the dependency on her to help me sort it out. Eventually though I'll be free of a lot of these negative perceptions, and my relationships will be easier. I can't exactly characterize my filter, but it looks like I generally see more negative feelings than other people actually have toward me, and miss the positive ones. Wouldn't it be nice to shed that filter?
poster:tabitha
thread:314971
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040218/msgs/315889.html