Posted by Racer on January 30, 2004, at 18:32:07
In reply to Re: taking it too personally???, posted by gardenergirl on January 30, 2004, at 14:41:14
Aha! Sherlock Holmes senses that this guy is an Academic Sort!
Here's my advice for dealing with an academic type, in case I'm right about that:
Don't ask him why he's a piece of work, or what it means. Just ask him for what you need -- in writing. Don't ask for a reference -- ask for what you want him to write in that reference.
For example, send him a very short hardcopy memo, stating that you'd like him to write a reference saying that you did [x], within deadline, and citing your ability to do [y].
Don't be confrontational about it, that sort of posturing usually conceals insecurities (I know because I've found myself doing the same things), just roll your eyes and make a raspberry noise to vent your frustrations, and then make it easy for him to give you what you want. If that doesn't help, here's another suggestion. This is based on the old public speaking advice of "imagine your audience in their underwear." Here's my version: pretend this guy is a dog you've got to train. How do you train a dog? You make it easier for them to do the right thing, and if they do a Bad Thing, don't accidentally reward them for it. In the case of The Classic Academic Sort, there's a sort of reward system involved in making other people feel uncomfortable. If you show him that he's getting under your skin, he's "won" in that sense.
Once you get through the first barrier, by the way, faking it gets a lot easier. Just remember, just as you can't see what's really going on inside him, he really and truly and I solemnly swear cannot see inside you. It's all about playacting, and you can do it.
poster:Racer
thread:307163
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040123/msgs/307478.html